Some people have it, some people don't. For some, things come naturally and for others those things takes months of hard work and dedication. I have begun to develop a new respect for the people who are naturally aware of their body and it's movements. Dancers, gymnasts, and of course, CrossFitters. I am in fact NOT one of those who can naturally control my body and it's motions.
Hindsight is 20/20. I think back now and I can't tell you how many times I have said, "I have the rhythm of a 2 year old" when it comes to dancing. I can't dance. I know that. I can do the cheesy 80s moves, but that's because they are cheesy and rather silly looking to say the least. Hold a video of me up next to a video of J-Lo (who, by the way, naturally has got IT) and you will see what I mean. In fact, hold that video up next to any high school age girl and you will see what I mean.
I think the first time I realized that I am a bit of an uncoordinated mess goes all the way back to senior year of high school. There I was, on the slopes of beautiful northern Sweden after having finished a week's worth of half-day lessons with an equally beautiful Swedish skier by the name of Kjell (shell) and I was zooming down the rather busy face of the mountain. All of a sudden, my head said go left and my body went right and I was done. Splat on the side of the mountain and not just anywhere on the side of the mountain, but directly underneath the chair lifts (because of course, that's my luck). I'm not joking when I tell you I heard the gasps from people that watched me fall. It wasn't that bad, but what shocked them more was the rather odd looking pretzel shape that I was sitting in under the chairs. All of a sudden, from about 20 feet above I hear,"Are you all right? I'll be right there!" Much to my embarrassment, a kind Swede knew that 1) I was American and 2) I was in a bit of a tight spot. I could not figure out how to command my legs to untangle themselves. I lost all sense in the time/space relationship to be able to tell my left leg to extract itself from the pretzel. This was not because I was hurt- I skiied the rest of the afternoon. It was because I had no idea how to tell my various muscles to move. I can't control my body that way...that's why I ran and swam and also why I am a sprinter. All or nothing- no control. I worked my hardest to get myself up and skiing away before any of those folks on the chair lift made it even remotely close to my side of the mountain. Thankfully, after I took both skis off and threw the poles I was able to use my arms to move my legs out of each other's way.
I stand now, thinking about this as I am wrapping up month 1 of trying to do a kipping pull-up. I have practiced a bit each time I go in to the gym and am trying to get the motion down, but it's not there yet. I watch another woman who also tried to get the kipping pull-up. She started about 2 weeks after me and has been doing them for about a week now. Even I can figure out it only took her 1 week to put all of the moves together and get it. I'm on week 4. I have coordination issues. I am now able to string together multiple dead lifts, but that's about as far as I go. Still working on the kipping pull-up and not quite there. I just don't have "it."
That's ok with me. I don't mind. Maybe it will help me remain interested in the gym for a long time. Because I'm going to take a long time to get anything right! It definitely gives me a HUGE feeling of satisfaction when I finally do get something right. I'm like that little kid, looking for praise from the teacher. When I get it, I feel like clapping and jumping up and down. I finally got the snatch the other day. While I wasn't the fastest in the world, I was pretty proud of myself for getting 30 of them strung together in groups of 10...without losing total form!
So, maybe I don't have "it," but I'm willing to work for "it" and the rewards will be big.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Results are In
It's over! I know EVERYONE has been anxiously awaiting the results of the Paleo Challenge and how I did. I couldn't hold myself accountable on the blog because quite frankly, I was too busy cutting, chopping, shopping and boiling eggs (which I still can't get right! I have a tough time getting them so they will peel easily). That, coupled with the fact that the season of tourists on Cape Cod has begun, and my free time has not been mine any longer.
The last two weeks of school are killer. There are about a million things the teachers want you to attend with the kids. Celebrations and presentations and half days and all of that lovely stuff. My regular sitter is not available during day time hours, so I was struggling with finding a new sitter so I could actually get to the gym on a regular basis. It was successful to a certain extent. The three days a week thing might be a little difficult- I haven't managed it once this summer to date, but we shall get some sort of routine by the time August rolls around and I have to switch the routine all over again!
During all of the craziness that is, I had to focus on this Paleo thing. I don't think I did too bad. It's not as hard as you think if you aren't going all sorts of organic (grass fed this and free range that). I tried...I bought the grass fed and the free range. I only do that when I find it though. I'm not going to make 15 stops to get something and drive 5 miles out of my way because they don't have the right thing in the store I am currently in. My family devours a hen house in about a month, so organic chicken also gets a little pricey. As time went on, I learned what stores carried what ingredients and began to have my pantry and spice cabinet stocked with things that are frequently used on the diet. I also *gasp* experimented with stuff. I didn't get too bad at it. If I screwed up, I usually just pulled out some bacon and added that. Everything tastes better with bacon. Eventually, I found myself cooking some bacon JUST so I could have the grease to cook my vegetables in to make them taste better.
On June 29 we did the baseline workout again. It was HOT out! Unfortunately, I was a little off in days and I thought we were going to do the baseline on July 2. SO- I had a BBQ the night before that did not bode well for my performance on Friday. I dropped :43 from my time-really wish I had dropped a minute, but it just wasn't in me on Friday. I'm going to hold on to this baseline workout and see how it goes in another month or two. I think I'll use this as a performance measurement. I increased my assisted pull-ups from 6 to 10 and my strict push-ups from 13 to 21. Not too shabby.
The numbers got a little fun. I was psyched. FINALLY-I have lost some weight. Fourteen pounds (or 7.5% of my body weight)! In addition, I lost an inch in my thighs and and inch on my arms-both places a girl wants to lose the inches! My waist measurement didn't really go anywhere, but I think I might have sucked my waist in when I was first measured-someone else was doing the measurement. I think it was a little off for that reason and I did lose an inch or two in the waist. My pants are a little more loose there, that's for sure.
All in all, I was pretty pleased. My athletic performance continues to need improvement. When it comes to CrossFit- I am not fast. Gives me something to continue to strive for. I am hooked on the Paleo thing. Partially because I did so well. Partially because now I am afraid of going back to any sort of junk food because: 1) I love it too much 2) I fear the rubber band effect and the weight gain when you go back to "normal" eating. James wants a cheat meal. I haven't cheated yet. I don't know if I want to- is that weird?
The last two weeks of school are killer. There are about a million things the teachers want you to attend with the kids. Celebrations and presentations and half days and all of that lovely stuff. My regular sitter is not available during day time hours, so I was struggling with finding a new sitter so I could actually get to the gym on a regular basis. It was successful to a certain extent. The three days a week thing might be a little difficult- I haven't managed it once this summer to date, but we shall get some sort of routine by the time August rolls around and I have to switch the routine all over again!
During all of the craziness that is, I had to focus on this Paleo thing. I don't think I did too bad. It's not as hard as you think if you aren't going all sorts of organic (grass fed this and free range that). I tried...I bought the grass fed and the free range. I only do that when I find it though. I'm not going to make 15 stops to get something and drive 5 miles out of my way because they don't have the right thing in the store I am currently in. My family devours a hen house in about a month, so organic chicken also gets a little pricey. As time went on, I learned what stores carried what ingredients and began to have my pantry and spice cabinet stocked with things that are frequently used on the diet. I also *gasp* experimented with stuff. I didn't get too bad at it. If I screwed up, I usually just pulled out some bacon and added that. Everything tastes better with bacon. Eventually, I found myself cooking some bacon JUST so I could have the grease to cook my vegetables in to make them taste better.
On June 29 we did the baseline workout again. It was HOT out! Unfortunately, I was a little off in days and I thought we were going to do the baseline on July 2. SO- I had a BBQ the night before that did not bode well for my performance on Friday. I dropped :43 from my time-really wish I had dropped a minute, but it just wasn't in me on Friday. I'm going to hold on to this baseline workout and see how it goes in another month or two. I think I'll use this as a performance measurement. I increased my assisted pull-ups from 6 to 10 and my strict push-ups from 13 to 21. Not too shabby.
The numbers got a little fun. I was psyched. FINALLY-I have lost some weight. Fourteen pounds (or 7.5% of my body weight)! In addition, I lost an inch in my thighs and and inch on my arms-both places a girl wants to lose the inches! My waist measurement didn't really go anywhere, but I think I might have sucked my waist in when I was first measured-someone else was doing the measurement. I think it was a little off for that reason and I did lose an inch or two in the waist. My pants are a little more loose there, that's for sure.
All in all, I was pretty pleased. My athletic performance continues to need improvement. When it comes to CrossFit- I am not fast. Gives me something to continue to strive for. I am hooked on the Paleo thing. Partially because I did so well. Partially because now I am afraid of going back to any sort of junk food because: 1) I love it too much 2) I fear the rubber band effect and the weight gain when you go back to "normal" eating. James wants a cheat meal. I haven't cheated yet. I don't know if I want to- is that weird?
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
What's in a Number?
Four people, including me, know how much I weigh. Thats the most-EVER. I avoid going to the doctor (unless I am pregnant) because I don't want to stand on a scale. I have done this my entire adult life. Until after baby number 3, I don't think I would have been considered over weight-I was simply outside of the media definition of thin. I am not in any position to embrace my current weight, but then I wonder what weight is my ideal? I personally believe that some of these numbers spouted out by health organizations are too cookie cutter. We are all individuals. We all have different body types, shapes and genetics.
So, it's just a number. That's what you would think I am saying, but then why can I not let it go? I am surrounded by healthy, fit, slim people. I look at magazines every day that tell you how to "Blast Belly Fat," "Get Fit Fast," "Lose the Baby Weight." Every ad has a woman that's stick thin or a before and after shot. I love the ones that say,"How Star ABC lost the Baby Weight." Guess what, magazine? If I had all day to work out and the money to afford my own chef, trainer and nanny I too, would have flat abs. Instead, I choose to raise my own children, cook for them, clean up after them, and attend as many school functions as physically (and mentally) possible. Sure, I sit here and rationalize all of these things and think to myself WHY they can do it and look fabulous after their babies but inside I am deeply jealous! All I want to do these days is be healthy and get myself to a place where I will be around a little while longer for these 3 little beings that we have created. I know that is my ultimate goal, but I'm still stuck on the number.
It has taken me all of my will power not to stand on the scale during this 30 day Paleo Challenge. I have failed, and stood on the scale a few times. I am on day 15. I have lost weight. Not enough to get to my number, but I have lost some. I am in month 6 of being committed to this endeavor of working out and eating right. James always tells me,"It took years to put the weight on. It's going to take more than a month to take it off." However, there are days during this challenge that I am even jealous of him. He's dropping weight a lot faster than I am. Probably going to reach his number goal before me! The worst part is, how often do you see articles on men losing the sympathy pounds after the baby? Or even telling a man to "Get Slimmer Faster." How about,"How to Lose 15 Pounds for Speedo Season"? It's a double standard out there. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are a lot of pressures for guys. Media still makes an issue out of men providing for their family financially and working hard, climbing to the top, etc., etc. I am simply picking on the weight issue. I could go on for days about the media, believe me.
What should be better than the weight loss is that I feel good. I don't hit that REALLY tired spell at 3:00 where I feel like I need a nap to get through the day. I have the energy to make it all day long now. I have been somewhat energetic and motivated- to be quite honest, I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends, but isn't that what the start of summer means-when you switch up your daily routine that you have been used to for the last 10 months?
So, I am stuck. Sitting some where between the number and the fact that the number shouldn't matter. I waiver back and forth between these. Some days I can get over the number to realize that I am working hard to make things change and make myself a healthier person and that is what matters (ie: At least I'm off the couch), but other days are a true challenge to me mentally to get over the number and the desire to be at a certain goal. Most likely that goal is completely unattainable for me, but it's the number that has been drilled in to me by somebody, somewhere. I don't think I am the only one facing this struggle and I hope that those facing this struggle with me can all see that it's about being healthy and feeling good. Ultimately, that should lead to a number that will be acceptable to both you and the media!
So, it's just a number. That's what you would think I am saying, but then why can I not let it go? I am surrounded by healthy, fit, slim people. I look at magazines every day that tell you how to "Blast Belly Fat," "Get Fit Fast," "Lose the Baby Weight." Every ad has a woman that's stick thin or a before and after shot. I love the ones that say,"How Star ABC lost the Baby Weight." Guess what, magazine? If I had all day to work out and the money to afford my own chef, trainer and nanny I too, would have flat abs. Instead, I choose to raise my own children, cook for them, clean up after them, and attend as many school functions as physically (and mentally) possible. Sure, I sit here and rationalize all of these things and think to myself WHY they can do it and look fabulous after their babies but inside I am deeply jealous! All I want to do these days is be healthy and get myself to a place where I will be around a little while longer for these 3 little beings that we have created. I know that is my ultimate goal, but I'm still stuck on the number.
It has taken me all of my will power not to stand on the scale during this 30 day Paleo Challenge. I have failed, and stood on the scale a few times. I am on day 15. I have lost weight. Not enough to get to my number, but I have lost some. I am in month 6 of being committed to this endeavor of working out and eating right. James always tells me,"It took years to put the weight on. It's going to take more than a month to take it off." However, there are days during this challenge that I am even jealous of him. He's dropping weight a lot faster than I am. Probably going to reach his number goal before me! The worst part is, how often do you see articles on men losing the sympathy pounds after the baby? Or even telling a man to "Get Slimmer Faster." How about,"How to Lose 15 Pounds for Speedo Season"? It's a double standard out there. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are a lot of pressures for guys. Media still makes an issue out of men providing for their family financially and working hard, climbing to the top, etc., etc. I am simply picking on the weight issue. I could go on for days about the media, believe me.
What should be better than the weight loss is that I feel good. I don't hit that REALLY tired spell at 3:00 where I feel like I need a nap to get through the day. I have the energy to make it all day long now. I have been somewhat energetic and motivated- to be quite honest, I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends, but isn't that what the start of summer means-when you switch up your daily routine that you have been used to for the last 10 months?
So, I am stuck. Sitting some where between the number and the fact that the number shouldn't matter. I waiver back and forth between these. Some days I can get over the number to realize that I am working hard to make things change and make myself a healthier person and that is what matters (ie: At least I'm off the couch), but other days are a true challenge to me mentally to get over the number and the desire to be at a certain goal. Most likely that goal is completely unattainable for me, but it's the number that has been drilled in to me by somebody, somewhere. I don't think I am the only one facing this struggle and I hope that those facing this struggle with me can all see that it's about being healthy and feeling good. Ultimately, that should lead to a number that will be acceptable to both you and the media!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
What is it about these people?
Week 1 is done!! 23 days left in the Paleo Challenge and I sparked a little debate on Facebook about it with a comment I made about some bacon bits falling on the floor and my desire to lick them up and pay no attention to the 5 second rule. I must admit, in my house, on those floors, it's a little disgusting to even think about. My dog is a walking disaster-worse than Pig Pen if you ask me. The big question that was put out there is, "What is it about CrossFitters and the Paelo Diet?" My answer is a big fat "I don't know." However, there are a few things I can comment on...
I push myself harder than I ever thought I could when I go in to the gym 3 days a week. It is a very intense workout that actually produces results. Those results continue to get better and better until they plateau a bit. That is the point at which people start to look at their nutritional intake and wonder what they can change to improve their lift, their time, their weights, etc. More often than not, a person that starts CrossFit and sticks with it is competitive by nature. This is the perfect spot-always trying to outdo yourself and never allow failure to take over. The Paleo Diet is another challenge that will help a competitive person outdo themselves. Is there a science behind it? Probably.
I am not in to the whole science side. I want to feel good and look healthy. If the Paleo Diet can produce those two major results, then I will be very happy. If it means that mine time gets a little faster or my deadlift gets a little heavier then I will be truly psyched. It's my inner competitor coming out. And hey, if it means one day I get bragging rights at the gym my cycle at CrossFit might actually be complete! I feel better. I don't miss the way I was eating before. I would eat, not because I wanted to or enjoyed the food, but because it was in front of me or I was stressed out. Not a good way to eat. Now it's more for enjoyment and I have actually come across some good recipes- check out www.everydaypaleo.com or www.civilizedcaveman.com and see some of the stuff they cook. It's delicious, really.
The challenges of the diet are primarily finding the right ingredients, as many things aren't readily available anymore or we have added something to them to make them "shelf-stable." It's not much different than the way our ancestors ate pre-industrial revolution. Somebody that eats all organic is likely much more paleo than you think. Legumes are probably one of the hardest to get rid of- I like beans. That and cheese.
Prepping is difficult, too. I find that I have to spend a lot of time on the front end, trying to figure out what I am going to cook and running to the grocery stores- yes, STORES- because 1 doesn't carry parsnips, a different one has the fennel bulb and a third one is the only place I can find a flank steak. That may be a challenge of where I live, but it's a challenge none the less. You can't beat how fresh things taste, though. At this point in the 30 day challenge, it's still refreshing.
My goal when I started this whole adventure was to lose weight. Six months in to it with no diet change, I haven't done that. My body has changed. There is a lot more muscle mass, but that doesn't help with the scale. It truly is diet AND exercise that is going to make that change. Paleo just seemed right for me, or at least like the thing for me to try. Maybe the intensity of the diet is right for CrossFitters because of the intensity of the workout. There is a certain trait within that would say the two go hand in hand. It's all about what you make of it. Do I want to change my habits? Yes. Do I want to feel as though I am depriving myself? No. Currently, I don't. I am not going to be 100% and a freak about this whole thing, but in 23 days when I look at the numbers and repeat the workout, perhaps I will be faster and a little lighter. Those results will tell me where I am going to go with this. At the moment, I think it may stick around for a while. You should see the PRs that are popping up all over the gym for the folks that have gone strict for the challenge. It's crazy! Maybe one day during this trek, I will be able to say I got a PR also. I'll keep you posted.
I push myself harder than I ever thought I could when I go in to the gym 3 days a week. It is a very intense workout that actually produces results. Those results continue to get better and better until they plateau a bit. That is the point at which people start to look at their nutritional intake and wonder what they can change to improve their lift, their time, their weights, etc. More often than not, a person that starts CrossFit and sticks with it is competitive by nature. This is the perfect spot-always trying to outdo yourself and never allow failure to take over. The Paleo Diet is another challenge that will help a competitive person outdo themselves. Is there a science behind it? Probably.
I am not in to the whole science side. I want to feel good and look healthy. If the Paleo Diet can produce those two major results, then I will be very happy. If it means that mine time gets a little faster or my deadlift gets a little heavier then I will be truly psyched. It's my inner competitor coming out. And hey, if it means one day I get bragging rights at the gym my cycle at CrossFit might actually be complete! I feel better. I don't miss the way I was eating before. I would eat, not because I wanted to or enjoyed the food, but because it was in front of me or I was stressed out. Not a good way to eat. Now it's more for enjoyment and I have actually come across some good recipes- check out www.everydaypaleo.com or www.civilizedcaveman.com and see some of the stuff they cook. It's delicious, really.
The challenges of the diet are primarily finding the right ingredients, as many things aren't readily available anymore or we have added something to them to make them "shelf-stable." It's not much different than the way our ancestors ate pre-industrial revolution. Somebody that eats all organic is likely much more paleo than you think. Legumes are probably one of the hardest to get rid of- I like beans. That and cheese.
Prepping is difficult, too. I find that I have to spend a lot of time on the front end, trying to figure out what I am going to cook and running to the grocery stores- yes, STORES- because 1 doesn't carry parsnips, a different one has the fennel bulb and a third one is the only place I can find a flank steak. That may be a challenge of where I live, but it's a challenge none the less. You can't beat how fresh things taste, though. At this point in the 30 day challenge, it's still refreshing.
My goal when I started this whole adventure was to lose weight. Six months in to it with no diet change, I haven't done that. My body has changed. There is a lot more muscle mass, but that doesn't help with the scale. It truly is diet AND exercise that is going to make that change. Paleo just seemed right for me, or at least like the thing for me to try. Maybe the intensity of the diet is right for CrossFitters because of the intensity of the workout. There is a certain trait within that would say the two go hand in hand. It's all about what you make of it. Do I want to change my habits? Yes. Do I want to feel as though I am depriving myself? No. Currently, I don't. I am not going to be 100% and a freak about this whole thing, but in 23 days when I look at the numbers and repeat the workout, perhaps I will be faster and a little lighter. Those results will tell me where I am going to go with this. At the moment, I think it may stick around for a while. You should see the PRs that are popping up all over the gym for the folks that have gone strict for the challenge. It's crazy! Maybe one day during this trek, I will be able to say I got a PR also. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Maintaining Accountability
I am trying my hardest to get out of this 30 day Paleo Challenge that I have taken on. Last night I realized that I forgot my time for the benchmark workout that we did on Friday. We are doing the workout on day 1 and day 30. I figured if I forgot day 1 then I could just forget about the challenge and just do it again on day 30, right? NOPE! Gym folks took a photo of the times for "safe-keeping" and now I'm stuck. Will someone PLEASE enable me?
Seriously, I am on day 2. Not having that hard of a time, but this whole cooking and prep thing is going to get real old, real fast. I got home from all of the kid pick-ups at 3:15 yesterday and started snacks and food prep- I didn't stop until 7:30. Well, I fed 3 kids and then started the next dinner for the adults. Then I put 1 to bed and got 2 more ready for bed, THEN I started cooking again for round 2. I suffered from 3-4 a little but I was so busy prepping for dinner that I didn't have a ton of time to be hungry or just mindlessly eat. That's probably the only positive of all of this prep.
In order to maintain accountability, I am going to post food intake from yesterday. As far as beverage, I drank my body weight in water:
Breakfast:
2 hard boiled eggs
2 cups of coffee, black (MUST buy better coffee now, which means a trip to IKEA. I'll take that!)
Snack:
Banana
Lunch:
left over grilled chicken with strawberries and pecans on a bed of spring mix greens with balsamic vinegar and olive oil
Snack:
6 dried apricots
cup of grapes
Dinner: (all from a paleo cookbook- I put it all in a bowl with a bunch of greens and ate it as one thing)
Greek chicken kebabs
Greek paleo salad consisting of cucumber, orange peppers and tomatoes
SO...anyway, that's Day 1. Feeling pretty good today. Missing cheese. Already out of greens. Probably need more fruit. Screwed up the dinner for tonight already, but I think I can salvage it. Have I mentioned I hate cooking?
We shall see how the trip to the gym goes tomorrow. Yesterday was ok. A little bit ugly for me, but I am still frustrated and not on my mental game. I am not seeing the positive side of stuff at the gym and simply seeing the times. I get my butt kicked every time a workout comes up that says "X rounds for time". Mentally, the "AMRAP" (as many rounds as possible) works better for me. I don't mind not getting as many rounds as everyone else- at least we all stop at the same time. It's the fact that everyone finishes 2-3 minutes before me on the other days that frustrates me. I think it's because I don't like having any sort of attention directed at me. With this challenge, I have also started writing my times for workouts in a log. Perhaps that way I will be able to check back when I am feeling frustrated and take note of improvements that I have made. Let's hope those measurements that got written down for me will improve as well. I was too embarrassed to look.
Seriously, I am on day 2. Not having that hard of a time, but this whole cooking and prep thing is going to get real old, real fast. I got home from all of the kid pick-ups at 3:15 yesterday and started snacks and food prep- I didn't stop until 7:30. Well, I fed 3 kids and then started the next dinner for the adults. Then I put 1 to bed and got 2 more ready for bed, THEN I started cooking again for round 2. I suffered from 3-4 a little but I was so busy prepping for dinner that I didn't have a ton of time to be hungry or just mindlessly eat. That's probably the only positive of all of this prep.
In order to maintain accountability, I am going to post food intake from yesterday. As far as beverage, I drank my body weight in water:
Breakfast:
2 hard boiled eggs
2 cups of coffee, black (MUST buy better coffee now, which means a trip to IKEA. I'll take that!)
Snack:
Banana
Lunch:
left over grilled chicken with strawberries and pecans on a bed of spring mix greens with balsamic vinegar and olive oil
Snack:
6 dried apricots
cup of grapes
Dinner: (all from a paleo cookbook- I put it all in a bowl with a bunch of greens and ate it as one thing)
Greek chicken kebabs
Greek paleo salad consisting of cucumber, orange peppers and tomatoes
SO...anyway, that's Day 1. Feeling pretty good today. Missing cheese. Already out of greens. Probably need more fruit. Screwed up the dinner for tonight already, but I think I can salvage it. Have I mentioned I hate cooking?
We shall see how the trip to the gym goes tomorrow. Yesterday was ok. A little bit ugly for me, but I am still frustrated and not on my mental game. I am not seeing the positive side of stuff at the gym and simply seeing the times. I get my butt kicked every time a workout comes up that says "X rounds for time". Mentally, the "AMRAP" (as many rounds as possible) works better for me. I don't mind not getting as many rounds as everyone else- at least we all stop at the same time. It's the fact that everyone finishes 2-3 minutes before me on the other days that frustrates me. I think it's because I don't like having any sort of attention directed at me. With this challenge, I have also started writing my times for workouts in a log. Perhaps that way I will be able to check back when I am feeling frustrated and take note of improvements that I have made. Let's hope those measurements that got written down for me will improve as well. I was too embarrassed to look.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
In search of a new relationship
For the first time yesterday, I questioned why I was at the CrossFit gym. It was an extremely depressing day for me, as we had the weigh in for a 30 day Paleo challenge. We were weighed and measured and will go through the same torturous process in 30 days to see what kind of change there is, if any. In retrospect, I wish I had taken these measurements earlier in the game. I just need to wallow in my own self-pity for a while...even with all of the positivity that I have been able to pull up, yesterday was a "half-empty" kind of day. The one thing that is very hard for me to talk myself out of is the weight issue. So much is put in our faces about how you should look, how much you should weigh, body image, blah, blah, blah. It takes an extreme amount of self-confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. I think I have got that emotionally and socially, but throw in the self-image and that is where I am lacking.
I have never been a size 6. I admit that freely and I am pretty comfortable with it. I have been sprinter all of my life and with that comes sprinter thighs. My goals are not lofty, they are not to be that size 6. In fact, I have come around to embracing my sprinter thighs and just telling myself as long as they are strong and not jiggly, I am fine with that. I have curves- that's ok. I just don't want to be a pear.
I think I can even say that I am coming around to the "Strong is the new sexy" train of thought. If my weight is higher because of muscle, I am fine with that. However, it shouldn't be as high as it was yesterday. I should not weigh as much as many men who are 6 feet tall. I don't care what kind of positive messages anyone tries to send me- I just shouldn't. It's embarrassing. So why do I exercise at a gym where I have been told from the get-go that I won't really lose weight there? Why am I busting my ass 3 times a week to not drop a pound? It's frustrating. Wouldn't you think that by exercising even a little more than "not at all" you would lose a pound or two? It's been 6 months and I am not even at my first goal. Remember that one? Lose 8 pounds and get a new pair of sneakers. Yeah...I know. It was a LONG time ago.
I get it. It all comes down to food. I have an awful relationship with food. I hate everything about it. In fact, the worst hours of my day are from 4-6 when I have to work on dinner. Those hours run simultaneously with homework and the witching hour of one 4 and 2 year old that ends up in a crying and screaming fest and a LOT of stress. Then there is the process. I hate to cook. I hate to prep. I hate to grocery shop. I hate to clean up. In fact, the only solution I see is my own private chef, and that's NOT going to happen unless I make a gazillion dollars. Clearly, I am not on that path. I am an emotional eater. When I am stressed, I turn to sugar. Upset, I'll have a cupcake. Sad and a Midnight Milky Way looks mighty fine. I need something else to turn to besides sweet food, that much I know.
So, in comes the Paleo diet. Lots of athletes and CrossFit folks take part in this diet. I don't know that I would call myself an athlete. Lately, I have questioned even the mere act of exercise. I am still struggling. My 1 rep weights have increased dramatically (I'm stronger), but I thought that by now I would have the ability to do all of this a little faster. The gym is doing a Paleo challenge for the month of June. Challenge is good for me. Deep down, I am a competitor and I can't stand the idea of failure. That should be enough of a drive to keep me going on this for at least 30 days. It doesn't look too bad. South Beach on steroids-ish. No dairy, legumes, grains, sugar. It should be interesting. I am hoping that I will be able to struggle through it. I look at it as a way to help outline what I will be eating and hopefully, make my relationship with food a little bit better. It's like having a boyfriend chosen for me. Here, take him, he's good for you. I am open to this kind of dating and I am ready for it. Now I need to try to make it fit.
**Self pity party over. I am not going to quit. I LIKE going to the gym. If for any other reason, I have met a great group of people. I hate the work outs, but I like the feeling I have for the rest of the day. I am proud of what I can do. I know I can do more.
I have never been a size 6. I admit that freely and I am pretty comfortable with it. I have been sprinter all of my life and with that comes sprinter thighs. My goals are not lofty, they are not to be that size 6. In fact, I have come around to embracing my sprinter thighs and just telling myself as long as they are strong and not jiggly, I am fine with that. I have curves- that's ok. I just don't want to be a pear.
I think I can even say that I am coming around to the "Strong is the new sexy" train of thought. If my weight is higher because of muscle, I am fine with that. However, it shouldn't be as high as it was yesterday. I should not weigh as much as many men who are 6 feet tall. I don't care what kind of positive messages anyone tries to send me- I just shouldn't. It's embarrassing. So why do I exercise at a gym where I have been told from the get-go that I won't really lose weight there? Why am I busting my ass 3 times a week to not drop a pound? It's frustrating. Wouldn't you think that by exercising even a little more than "not at all" you would lose a pound or two? It's been 6 months and I am not even at my first goal. Remember that one? Lose 8 pounds and get a new pair of sneakers. Yeah...I know. It was a LONG time ago.
I get it. It all comes down to food. I have an awful relationship with food. I hate everything about it. In fact, the worst hours of my day are from 4-6 when I have to work on dinner. Those hours run simultaneously with homework and the witching hour of one 4 and 2 year old that ends up in a crying and screaming fest and a LOT of stress. Then there is the process. I hate to cook. I hate to prep. I hate to grocery shop. I hate to clean up. In fact, the only solution I see is my own private chef, and that's NOT going to happen unless I make a gazillion dollars. Clearly, I am not on that path. I am an emotional eater. When I am stressed, I turn to sugar. Upset, I'll have a cupcake. Sad and a Midnight Milky Way looks mighty fine. I need something else to turn to besides sweet food, that much I know.
So, in comes the Paleo diet. Lots of athletes and CrossFit folks take part in this diet. I don't know that I would call myself an athlete. Lately, I have questioned even the mere act of exercise. I am still struggling. My 1 rep weights have increased dramatically (I'm stronger), but I thought that by now I would have the ability to do all of this a little faster. The gym is doing a Paleo challenge for the month of June. Challenge is good for me. Deep down, I am a competitor and I can't stand the idea of failure. That should be enough of a drive to keep me going on this for at least 30 days. It doesn't look too bad. South Beach on steroids-ish. No dairy, legumes, grains, sugar. It should be interesting. I am hoping that I will be able to struggle through it. I look at it as a way to help outline what I will be eating and hopefully, make my relationship with food a little bit better. It's like having a boyfriend chosen for me. Here, take him, he's good for you. I am open to this kind of dating and I am ready for it. Now I need to try to make it fit.
**Self pity party over. I am not going to quit. I LIKE going to the gym. If for any other reason, I have met a great group of people. I hate the work outs, but I like the feeling I have for the rest of the day. I am proud of what I can do. I know I can do more.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Digging Deep
On Fridays we often have a work out that is known as a "chipper," meaning you chip away at it until you finish it. Oftentimes, these chippers are what they also call Hero WODs. The CrossFit community is very encouraging, supportive and generous. I think that is why I like it so much. In addition to meeting some great people and having a common torture to bear, the people that take part are also community minded. You won't find many selfish people doing CrossFit workouts. At least not at the gym I go to. A Hero WOD is one in honor of a fallen soldier and it is a chipper. You will often get both the work out and a little bit about the hero that you are honoring by doing said workout on that particular day. I don't mind Fridays. They are a gentle (or torturous) way of keeping in mind that there are people stretching themselves to their physical limits every day so that I can keep on blogging and saying what I want to say, when I want to say it.
This past Friday was a Hero WOD (thank you, Lt. Nuttall for your sacrifice) and it was truly a chipper. It was terrifying. I struggled just coming up with a reason why I should go to the gym on Friday, but I think the fact that it was a Hero WOD made me go. If these people can be out in the deserts doing this stuff, the least I can do is give it a try at the gym where people aren't shooting at me in addition to making me exercise for my very life. So, off I went. Any time you see a workout that says there is a time cap of 40 minutes you know it's going to be a tough one.
I have done 3 work outs that have included double unders since my initial kiss of death. The work outs have included a fair number of them- 20, 50 and then Friday- 200!! WHAT?! You are kidding me, right? In a moment of humility, I realized that 200 was a few too many and the routine would take me at least 3 hours to complete if I attempted to do all of them. So, I scaled it (you are allowed) and decided in a moment of lapsed judgement that I would attempt 100 double unders. Keep in mind that I am only able to do 1 at a time. 1 double, 2 singles, 1 double, 2 singles- you get the idea.
3-2-1 go! The workout started without much problem- some deadlifts, some push ups, then came the pull-ups and I felt myself getting winded. On to wall balls-100 of those suckers. OUCH!!! People are good at different things. I like to think that I am not so bad at a wall ball, but 100 can render me unable to walk on a good day. This was just the middle of the workout. I was tired, but I think it was more because I knew what else was coming. *Insert the Psycho music here* Double Unders!!
And this is where CrossFit mentality comes in. I like to think that perhaps I got a little taste of what some of these soldiers feel also as I was working through these. I had to dig deep on this one-deeper than I have ever had to go before. There are work outs that have made me feel like stopping right in the middle, but I have never really had to talk myself out of it. By double under 32 I was ready to quit. I told myself-just make it to 50 and you can scale back to sit ups and finish with sit ups. Nobody will notice. I got to 50 and I wanted to cry- I almost did, but I couldn't breathe enough to cry. Somebody yelled, "You got this, Kasey" and I decided that I would try for 10 more. When I got to 41 left I realized that I couldn't give up. I had to keep doing it. By the time I got to 30 left I was telling myself that even if I did go over the 40 minute cap, I was going to finish this thing, damn it. So, from 32 to 70 I gave up, I cried (internally), I got pissed and I kept going. I found a place inside of me that I didn't think I had and I made it through 100 of the damn things!
Hallelujah! Oh, wait. I still had a 400m run with a 25 lb. sandbag left. Katy helped put that sandbag on my shoulders and off I went. The first 200 didn't go well. My legs would barely carry me and I went so slow that while I thought I was running, I was actually walking. I picked it back up though as soon as I could control my breathing a bit and by the second 200 I thought I could actually go farther. I will note that once you turn around you are going down hill-it's the slightest slope, but when you can barely lift your feet a downward slope feels good. Then Katy challenged me as she was running with me at the end. "You aren't going to let me beat you, are you?" And there it was...NO! She wasn't going to beat me and this work out wasn't going to beat me. I dug inside for the last ounce I had and found the ability to sprint the final 50m and make it in 37:40.
Lt. Nuttall and the CrossFit community-thank you. Because of you I found inside of me a place I have never been. A strength that I knew was there, but haven't called on in a long time. Physical or mental, the whole package had to work together on this one and while it almost beat me, I am proud to say that I was able to dig deep and conquer the WOD. It was a good day.
This past Friday was a Hero WOD (thank you, Lt. Nuttall for your sacrifice) and it was truly a chipper. It was terrifying. I struggled just coming up with a reason why I should go to the gym on Friday, but I think the fact that it was a Hero WOD made me go. If these people can be out in the deserts doing this stuff, the least I can do is give it a try at the gym where people aren't shooting at me in addition to making me exercise for my very life. So, off I went. Any time you see a workout that says there is a time cap of 40 minutes you know it's going to be a tough one.
I have done 3 work outs that have included double unders since my initial kiss of death. The work outs have included a fair number of them- 20, 50 and then Friday- 200!! WHAT?! You are kidding me, right? In a moment of humility, I realized that 200 was a few too many and the routine would take me at least 3 hours to complete if I attempted to do all of them. So, I scaled it (you are allowed) and decided in a moment of lapsed judgement that I would attempt 100 double unders. Keep in mind that I am only able to do 1 at a time. 1 double, 2 singles, 1 double, 2 singles- you get the idea.
3-2-1 go! The workout started without much problem- some deadlifts, some push ups, then came the pull-ups and I felt myself getting winded. On to wall balls-100 of those suckers. OUCH!!! People are good at different things. I like to think that I am not so bad at a wall ball, but 100 can render me unable to walk on a good day. This was just the middle of the workout. I was tired, but I think it was more because I knew what else was coming. *Insert the Psycho music here* Double Unders!!
And this is where CrossFit mentality comes in. I like to think that perhaps I got a little taste of what some of these soldiers feel also as I was working through these. I had to dig deep on this one-deeper than I have ever had to go before. There are work outs that have made me feel like stopping right in the middle, but I have never really had to talk myself out of it. By double under 32 I was ready to quit. I told myself-just make it to 50 and you can scale back to sit ups and finish with sit ups. Nobody will notice. I got to 50 and I wanted to cry- I almost did, but I couldn't breathe enough to cry. Somebody yelled, "You got this, Kasey" and I decided that I would try for 10 more. When I got to 41 left I realized that I couldn't give up. I had to keep doing it. By the time I got to 30 left I was telling myself that even if I did go over the 40 minute cap, I was going to finish this thing, damn it. So, from 32 to 70 I gave up, I cried (internally), I got pissed and I kept going. I found a place inside of me that I didn't think I had and I made it through 100 of the damn things!
Hallelujah! Oh, wait. I still had a 400m run with a 25 lb. sandbag left. Katy helped put that sandbag on my shoulders and off I went. The first 200 didn't go well. My legs would barely carry me and I went so slow that while I thought I was running, I was actually walking. I picked it back up though as soon as I could control my breathing a bit and by the second 200 I thought I could actually go farther. I will note that once you turn around you are going down hill-it's the slightest slope, but when you can barely lift your feet a downward slope feels good. Then Katy challenged me as she was running with me at the end. "You aren't going to let me beat you, are you?" And there it was...NO! She wasn't going to beat me and this work out wasn't going to beat me. I dug inside for the last ounce I had and found the ability to sprint the final 50m and make it in 37:40.
Lt. Nuttall and the CrossFit community-thank you. Because of you I found inside of me a place I have never been. A strength that I knew was there, but haven't called on in a long time. Physical or mental, the whole package had to work together on this one and while it almost beat me, I am proud to say that I was able to dig deep and conquer the WOD. It was a good day.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Cleaning Woes Be Gone
My house is clean and I didn't clean it. I am not so sure how I feel about this exciting new development. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a clean house. I can see clearly out the shower door, the spots on my floor where the juice has spilled or the dog has slobbered have been removed and every toilet is sparkling. All of that and my hands are no worse for the wear. Who would complain? I guess I am not complaining, I am just trying to come to terms with it.
Hiring someone to help me clean the house has been a source of many hours of conversation between James and I. He has been for it and I have been against it. My take on it has been that since I am no longer working outside the home, a major component of my job as a stay at home mom is to keep a clean house. By admitting I can't keep up, I am admitting I can't do my job. James believes that asking for help in this way is simply a way to free myself up to do other tasks and why not get rid of this part of the job? Outsource, if you will.
Hiring someone to help me clean the house has been a source of many hours of conversation between James and I. He has been for it and I have been against it. My take on it has been that since I am no longer working outside the home, a major component of my job as a stay at home mom is to keep a clean house. By admitting I can't keep up, I am admitting I can't do my job. James believes that asking for help in this way is simply a way to free myself up to do other tasks and why not get rid of this part of the job? Outsource, if you will.
The scary part is, I spent 2 days removing clutter and straightening up. I made each kid clean their respective bedrooms and then the morning the cleaners were to come, I made every bed in the house and did the dishes. Even though it clearly stated that the cleaners would do that, I just couldn't allow it. How could I let them see how disgusting my house had gotten? Now, here is the kicker...the cleaners that came the first time aren't the ones I hired. This was just a "free" cleaning I got through a promotion at Jordan's furniture so the REAL cleaning person won't see how horrible the showers really looked. I will never see The Maids again because they saw my house at its all time worst. That one simple fact was the only reason I let them in. (They did do a good job, I just opted for someone a little less "factory" style)
I'm still trying to come to terms with the whole idea. I'm a little embarrassed by it. I recognize that this is a luxury that not everyone has the ability to enjoy, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I have managed to get over the feeling of failure at my job and am actually beginning to embrace the idea. The fact that after school or the gym I don't have to race home to get something cleaned feels good. I didn't realize what a weight was on my shoulders until it was lifted. Every time I sat down at night I would be thinking of the things I should be doing and telling myself I shouldn't sit down. Now I can actually enjoy a minute or two. The first time the house was cleaned I caught myself in my normal routine and when Jillian asked me to play with her stuffed animals with her for a little while I said to her, "Jillian, I will play with you a little later. Right now I have to clean." I realized then that in fact I DIDN'T have to clean anything and I promptly plopped myself on the floor and watched a pink penguin and a tie dyed bear do a ballet recital with a cast of other fabulously decorated stuffies. It was wonderful. Coming to terms with this might be easier than I thought!
I'm still trying to come to terms with the whole idea. I'm a little embarrassed by it. I recognize that this is a luxury that not everyone has the ability to enjoy, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I have managed to get over the feeling of failure at my job and am actually beginning to embrace the idea. The fact that after school or the gym I don't have to race home to get something cleaned feels good. I didn't realize what a weight was on my shoulders until it was lifted. Every time I sat down at night I would be thinking of the things I should be doing and telling myself I shouldn't sit down. Now I can actually enjoy a minute or two. The first time the house was cleaned I caught myself in my normal routine and when Jillian asked me to play with her stuffed animals with her for a little while I said to her, "Jillian, I will play with you a little later. Right now I have to clean." I realized then that in fact I DIDN'T have to clean anything and I promptly plopped myself on the floor and watched a pink penguin and a tie dyed bear do a ballet recital with a cast of other fabulously decorated stuffies. It was wonderful. Coming to terms with this might be easier than I thought!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
The Kiss of Death
When you push yourself and you actually accomplish something it feels great. Until you realize that you may have just screwed yourself for all eternity...which is exactly what I did on Monday.
Double unders have been a thing of fear to me since I joined the gym. Honestly, the only person that should be doing these is Rocky- and even then, I believe Sylvester Stallone may have had a stunt double who did them for him! I NEVER thought that I would be able to do a double under, let alone two in a row. Yesterday, when the work out came up in such a way that you were simply trying to get as many reps as you could in 2 minutes I figured, "Why not?" I am so used to being last at the gym that even if I only got 2 in those 2 minutes I would be glad I got something. I was pretty sure my shins wouldn't be glad, but I would.
There I stood. Warm up done, preparing the bar for my pull-ups (I'll go there another day...) and grabbing my jump rope for that portion of the workout when I decided I would try to get 1-just a warm up. BAM! To my own amazement and surprise, I did one. Now I couldn't turn back. I had to see how many I could do in the work out. Therein lies the problem. There is no turning back.
What drove me to try a double under? Let me tell you. The workouts are scaled and as you get better at some things, you get a much higher ratio. So, as my jump roping improved, thanks to many years of playground games, my ratio went from 2:1 up to 4:1. So, rather than doing 50 double unders I was doing 200 singles. In a workout where you are doing 5 rounds for time that means I am doing 1000 singles. If you have had children and tried jump roping (or sometimes, simply jumping) you can understand what 1000 singles can do to a woman. I wanted out of that scenario. Fewer jumps, higher and faster would get me there.
No turning back. 19 double unders in two minutes. I am PSYCHED and frightened at the same time. It was not at all pretty. I was an uncoordinated mess. I forgot how to do a single at one point and couldn't pull it together enough to figure out the double without stopping. Part of me was just so excited that I was getting any that I couldn't even hold myself together. The other part of me was exhausted, but had to keep going and couldn't remember how.
The issue now is that I have done them. I can't go back to singles. Doubles will be a major challenge and it is one that I accept but from here on out I will have to understand that I will be even slower in the workouts. I know that with practice, they will come. The only way I can get better is to keep doing them and I will. Picking and choosing what you are going to do is not an option. I have shown that I am capable and now I will have to make myself proficient. It's the only way to do it.
As I sit here and look at my times and talk about being the slowest one I realize that I am improving. Even if I am not getting faster, I am getting stronger. The last time I did a workout my box jumps were only about 12 inches-now I can do them at 20 inches. My jump roping ratio was 2:1 and as of yesterday, I am able to move to double unders. So, I may not be the fastest at any of this stuff, but I am getting better. Each day is a challenge. As I choose to accept the challenge I know that it would be a lot easier to keep doing what I am doing, but wouldn't that defeat why I am there in the first place? I am not going to sit here and be complacent with my own abilities or accept mediocrity by saying "that's good enough."
Stronger. Better. Faster. That's the direction I am going. Watch out, Rocky!
Friday, April 13, 2012
The HORROR!
My mom is awesome-and evil at the same time.
Let me explain:
For my birthday, she sent me a gift certificate to-wait for it- ATHLETA! I am in my glory. I was so excited when I opened that envelope and saw what it was. I started looking through the catalog with my gift certificate spending it three times over in my head and then BAM! Frozen...
Here I am, I have this awesome gift certificate and I can't bring myself to order anything. How do I spend it? I need things-a cover up for the beach, a new bathing suit, etc. I want things- that awesome hat, the cool dress, the funky purse. And then there are the work out clothes-dreamy pants, shirts and sports bras that I have been drooling over for months. What to do?
If I buy the work out clothes is it cheating? I am not at my weight goal that I had set to get the clothes- I am still a long way off. If I allow myself this luxury aren't I just saying it is ok if you don't meet your goals? Will that open up more avenues for me to cheat? Maybe if I can buy the clothes then I can eat the candy bar, skip the workout, blah, blah, blah...I'm not kidding- this is going through my head!
BUT- if I get the bathing suit and I do lose the weight then I have wasted the gift certificate because the bathing suit doesn't fit anymore. That seems like a silly idea. I have this problem a lot. Most likely it explains why I do all of my shopping from sale racks, Marshalls and TJ Maxx. I just can't warrant spending money on anything because I want to lose the weight and I am pretty sure I will. It has just taken me forever to do it- and as a result my wardrobe is smaller than either of my daughters and they are 2 and 4. I was saying to Lucas the other day,"Buddy, everyone thinks you own 5 shirts because you wear the same ones every week." I then went upstairs to get dressed and realized that I couldn't talk. The pot just called the kettle black! I truly do own about 5 shirts and only 3 pair of pants. (Not to mention the 1 pair of sweatpants!) Thank goodness for the kind gym friends that gave me their hand me downs. It served two purposes- it got me some new clothes and it made me believe that the weight would be lost. They gave me their fat clothes because they were going to the gym...see how that circle worked?
Then there are the purses and the shoes. Two things that are my loyal stand bys. In times of overweight, ideal weight, skinny weight a purse or a pair of shoes will always fit. I don't know anyone that owns a pair of "fat" shoes or their "skinny" purse. My closet is over run with that kind of stuff- accessories. They don't discriminate.
Oh the HORROR of an awesome gift certificate. I am torn...I guess I will just go look at the catalog again and keep dreaming. Maybe some day I will actually redeem it! I love you, evil Mom! Thanks for the gift certificate and the ensuing torture I have been living with each day.
Let me explain:
For my birthday, she sent me a gift certificate to-wait for it- ATHLETA! I am in my glory. I was so excited when I opened that envelope and saw what it was. I started looking through the catalog with my gift certificate spending it three times over in my head and then BAM! Frozen...
Here I am, I have this awesome gift certificate and I can't bring myself to order anything. How do I spend it? I need things-a cover up for the beach, a new bathing suit, etc. I want things- that awesome hat, the cool dress, the funky purse. And then there are the work out clothes-dreamy pants, shirts and sports bras that I have been drooling over for months. What to do?
If I buy the work out clothes is it cheating? I am not at my weight goal that I had set to get the clothes- I am still a long way off. If I allow myself this luxury aren't I just saying it is ok if you don't meet your goals? Will that open up more avenues for me to cheat? Maybe if I can buy the clothes then I can eat the candy bar, skip the workout, blah, blah, blah...I'm not kidding- this is going through my head!
BUT- if I get the bathing suit and I do lose the weight then I have wasted the gift certificate because the bathing suit doesn't fit anymore. That seems like a silly idea. I have this problem a lot. Most likely it explains why I do all of my shopping from sale racks, Marshalls and TJ Maxx. I just can't warrant spending money on anything because I want to lose the weight and I am pretty sure I will. It has just taken me forever to do it- and as a result my wardrobe is smaller than either of my daughters and they are 2 and 4. I was saying to Lucas the other day,"Buddy, everyone thinks you own 5 shirts because you wear the same ones every week." I then went upstairs to get dressed and realized that I couldn't talk. The pot just called the kettle black! I truly do own about 5 shirts and only 3 pair of pants. (Not to mention the 1 pair of sweatpants!) Thank goodness for the kind gym friends that gave me their hand me downs. It served two purposes- it got me some new clothes and it made me believe that the weight would be lost. They gave me their fat clothes because they were going to the gym...see how that circle worked?
Then there are the purses and the shoes. Two things that are my loyal stand bys. In times of overweight, ideal weight, skinny weight a purse or a pair of shoes will always fit. I don't know anyone that owns a pair of "fat" shoes or their "skinny" purse. My closet is over run with that kind of stuff- accessories. They don't discriminate.
Oh the HORROR of an awesome gift certificate. I am torn...I guess I will just go look at the catalog again and keep dreaming. Maybe some day I will actually redeem it! I love you, evil Mom! Thanks for the gift certificate and the ensuing torture I have been living with each day.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Throwing someone else to the dogs
I did it! I successfully brainwashed my first victim and it is my HUSBAND! Ha!! Take that! On Saturday, James went to his initial session of CrossFit training at CrossFit Rumble/Silvaback Athletics. Yup! I am SO psyched to watch this happen that I can barely stand the fact he hasn't gone more than just once. I want him to be able to do multiple sessions this week just to see how he feels.
It all started a few weeks back when James was commenting on how he needed to do something. The Y just wasn't cutting it for him and he needed a set time to go and get it done and someone to tell him what to do. Sounded vaguely familiar, but I didn't say anything. I just empathized and went about my merry way (limping, aching, taking Advil). I do believe at one point I told him to "Shit or get off the pot," but that's the way it goes chez Boyle. The sympathy is AMAZING!
He has always been supportive of my going to the gym. He never really asks me about it, but knows how it makes me feel when I can't go. He always makes sure that he can do whatever possible to help me get there. I know it is fairly useless to say that I am sore because that would just invite the pokes, prods and taps that immediately result in pain. I don't like to talk too much about it either- I get a lot of snarky comments when I talk about it. So, there I sit and suddenly James mentions he wants to go to the gym.
We had sent the kids off to school and James had a little time before he went in to the office. Once again, he was complaining about how he just couldn't get it together. He needed to have something organized, so he could act as if it was an appointment. That would give him the motivation to get out of the house. He was sick of the same old going to the Y and riding the simulated bike tour thing-a-ma-jig. I finally told him exactly how I felt- that this was my same problem and that Seth could give him a work out that you didn't have to spend 2 hours doing in order to feel like you accomplished something. Twenty minutes at CrossFit was ten minutes too long at the gym in my opinion! But that's part of the draw-I don't have 45 minutes to spend on the elliptical trainer and then go do the weights. I have about an hour free where I can do something for myself and at CrossFit I can "Git 'er done."
So, James wants to try the CrossFit thing out. I thought he was joking, but as I headed upstairs to shower he asked me if I would mind if he went to the same gym as me. CrossFit was "my thing" and he didn't want to intrude. Uh? What? MY thing? At the moment, CrossFit owns me. It kicks my butt every time and I still go back for more. Very rarely do I kick CrossFit's butt. Let me tell you- when I do, you will be the first to know!
He went on to say that he would go to the other gym in town and he could do it there. That's when I gasped and looked at him as though he was a traitor. Someone that had no right even attempting to do this type of workout. My jaw hit the floor as he uttered the words. You see, although Seth has a way of choosing workouts that will render you unable to walk and inflict pain on you in a way you never thought imaginable, the idea that there is any other place to go is simply unthinkable. It's like Stockholm Syndrome. My answer-"If you go and you don't support Seth I would be mortified. Absolutely unthinkable."
By the time I got out of the shower, James reported to me that he would be able to go on Monday nights and Thursday mornings and he told me how much it would cost for him to do it. I was impressed. He took the initiative to find the web site on his own and look up all of this information and really think it through. (I'll make it easy for you readers: www.silvabackathletics.com)That's when I realized he was serious.
Flash forward to this past Friday night. A beautiful day here on Cape Cod and no school. James gets done early, our new porch furniture arrived, lots of friends around and hence, much beer was to be drunk. By about 10:30 pm James realizes he has to be at the gym at 8:30 am. Oops- a little late to stop drinking and just relax. In his infinite wisdom and beer encouraged strength on Friday evening he throws down the gauntlet. "I'm stronger than you think I am." "I got this." etc, etc. You can likely imagine my response based on the level of sympathy in our home. "Fine. I don't want to hear you say I am sore or I hurt- not once! You'll see...but don't complain."
Guess who felt like junk on Saturday morning at about 9:30 am after his first work out? I am guessing he REALLY wanted to tell me how crappy he felt also. I can't WAIT until he goes back! Just watching him stand up, all stiff and sore biting his lip because he spoke too soon is FUN. I'll make him suffer for a week or two-then I'll roll with it.
It all started a few weeks back when James was commenting on how he needed to do something. The Y just wasn't cutting it for him and he needed a set time to go and get it done and someone to tell him what to do. Sounded vaguely familiar, but I didn't say anything. I just empathized and went about my merry way (limping, aching, taking Advil). I do believe at one point I told him to "Shit or get off the pot," but that's the way it goes chez Boyle. The sympathy is AMAZING!
He has always been supportive of my going to the gym. He never really asks me about it, but knows how it makes me feel when I can't go. He always makes sure that he can do whatever possible to help me get there. I know it is fairly useless to say that I am sore because that would just invite the pokes, prods and taps that immediately result in pain. I don't like to talk too much about it either- I get a lot of snarky comments when I talk about it. So, there I sit and suddenly James mentions he wants to go to the gym.
We had sent the kids off to school and James had a little time before he went in to the office. Once again, he was complaining about how he just couldn't get it together. He needed to have something organized, so he could act as if it was an appointment. That would give him the motivation to get out of the house. He was sick of the same old going to the Y and riding the simulated bike tour thing-a-ma-jig. I finally told him exactly how I felt- that this was my same problem and that Seth could give him a work out that you didn't have to spend 2 hours doing in order to feel like you accomplished something. Twenty minutes at CrossFit was ten minutes too long at the gym in my opinion! But that's part of the draw-I don't have 45 minutes to spend on the elliptical trainer and then go do the weights. I have about an hour free where I can do something for myself and at CrossFit I can "Git 'er done."
So, James wants to try the CrossFit thing out. I thought he was joking, but as I headed upstairs to shower he asked me if I would mind if he went to the same gym as me. CrossFit was "my thing" and he didn't want to intrude. Uh? What? MY thing? At the moment, CrossFit owns me. It kicks my butt every time and I still go back for more. Very rarely do I kick CrossFit's butt. Let me tell you- when I do, you will be the first to know!
He went on to say that he would go to the other gym in town and he could do it there. That's when I gasped and looked at him as though he was a traitor. Someone that had no right even attempting to do this type of workout. My jaw hit the floor as he uttered the words. You see, although Seth has a way of choosing workouts that will render you unable to walk and inflict pain on you in a way you never thought imaginable, the idea that there is any other place to go is simply unthinkable. It's like Stockholm Syndrome. My answer-"If you go and you don't support Seth I would be mortified. Absolutely unthinkable."
By the time I got out of the shower, James reported to me that he would be able to go on Monday nights and Thursday mornings and he told me how much it would cost for him to do it. I was impressed. He took the initiative to find the web site on his own and look up all of this information and really think it through. (I'll make it easy for you readers: www.silvabackathletics.com)That's when I realized he was serious.
Flash forward to this past Friday night. A beautiful day here on Cape Cod and no school. James gets done early, our new porch furniture arrived, lots of friends around and hence, much beer was to be drunk. By about 10:30 pm James realizes he has to be at the gym at 8:30 am. Oops- a little late to stop drinking and just relax. In his infinite wisdom and beer encouraged strength on Friday evening he throws down the gauntlet. "I'm stronger than you think I am." "I got this." etc, etc. You can likely imagine my response based on the level of sympathy in our home. "Fine. I don't want to hear you say I am sore or I hurt- not once! You'll see...but don't complain."
Guess who felt like junk on Saturday morning at about 9:30 am after his first work out? I am guessing he REALLY wanted to tell me how crappy he felt also. I can't WAIT until he goes back! Just watching him stand up, all stiff and sore biting his lip because he spoke too soon is FUN. I'll make him suffer for a week or two-then I'll roll with it.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Happy Birthday to Me!
Today I am 39 years old. I have gotten some posts saying,"Happy 29th...again" I have gotten the "happy 40th-might as well get used to it" post and I have just gotten some plain old "Happy Birthdays." Every single wish is read and appreciated. Facebook and the internet have gone a long way in allowing people to stay in touch. I am EXTREMELY thankful that all of these wishes are not in the form of phone calls. When I was in my pre-internet days, I wouldn't even ANSWER the phone on my birthday. It was too much like work. Now I can catch up at my leisure, and I love it.
My birthday is always the time the I get a little introspective. Most people hit that,"What have I done with myself?" mode around New Year's. I tend to give it a little longer to stew. I usually end up spending a few days thinking long and hard about where I am, what I am doing and how I will make a difference in the world. When I was 23-27 I was perpetually bummed out...what was I doing with myself at that time in my life.
Today, I am 39 and you know what? I am psyched. I don't care how old I am. I will let everyone know. I am 39 and I can dead lift 212 pounds (PR), back squat 152 pounds (PR) and press 70 pounds (PR) and that was just on Monday. Today I managed to push jerk 95 pounds (another PR). I'll take that for my out of shape self! I feel like I am starting a whole new chapter of my life. I feel a commitment I haven't felt in a while to something that I actually enjoy. *GULP* Did that just come out of my mouth? Each day when I finish a work out, I feel like I did something. I pushed myself to a limit I didn't think I would ever reach and I accomplished something new. Today I tried to go for 100 pounds, in the push jerk, but I was a little greedy. You know what? I would have been more angry if I didn't try than I am that I tried and failed. I know now that I WILL do it one day. It just wasn't today.
So how does this roll over in to my life? Here I am talking about the gym on my birthday and not thinking about where I am at in life, but that is just it. I am HERE. I can do IT. I just don't know what "it" is yet. At 39 years old and trying this whole CrossFit thing, I have discovered that "it" is a whole bunch of stuff wrapped up in one and this one little gym has shown me that I am not done pushing myself to limits I never thought I could reach.
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a million places to visit on my bucket list and that is just the start. There are 1,000 experiences that I would like to have- not as many foods I would like to taste, but maybe that limit will be pushed when I am 49. I am raising 3 kids. Each of them has helped me maintain my "kid" attitude and I am very thankful for them because on this particular birthday I don't feel old at all. I feel like I am still too young to have the responsibility of shaping the minds and hearts of 3 young children. Who thought I was capable of doing THAT? There's also this guy who has stood by my side for 16 years now and has challenged me throughout life's events to be the best person I can be. He has brought out strength I never thought I had and struggled through the thick and thin of the uncertainties that one faces over time without passing judgement along the way. I am not the person that my husband married 10 years ago, but we have taken that journey together.
So, after all of this rambling, what am I saying...somewhere along the line I have found that this year is not a stepping stone in to being old. It's the start of something new. It's a celebration of being able to push yourself to places that you never thought you could go. To being able to face your fear and conquer it. I am looking forward to the journey. I am glad that throughout these years I have made the choices I have. Every one, good or bad has shaped me and led me to this place where I am right now. I have some pretty cool stories and have lived a rich life. Full of friends, family and experiences that I wouldn't change for the world. I only hope that the stories can keep coming, the friendships can keep growing, the experiences are rich and that I will never figure out what I want to be when I grow up. If I figure that out, what would I be working towards?
My birthday is always the time the I get a little introspective. Most people hit that,"What have I done with myself?" mode around New Year's. I tend to give it a little longer to stew. I usually end up spending a few days thinking long and hard about where I am, what I am doing and how I will make a difference in the world. When I was 23-27 I was perpetually bummed out...what was I doing with myself at that time in my life.
Today, I am 39 and you know what? I am psyched. I don't care how old I am. I will let everyone know. I am 39 and I can dead lift 212 pounds (PR), back squat 152 pounds (PR) and press 70 pounds (PR) and that was just on Monday. Today I managed to push jerk 95 pounds (another PR). I'll take that for my out of shape self! I feel like I am starting a whole new chapter of my life. I feel a commitment I haven't felt in a while to something that I actually enjoy. *GULP* Did that just come out of my mouth? Each day when I finish a work out, I feel like I did something. I pushed myself to a limit I didn't think I would ever reach and I accomplished something new. Today I tried to go for 100 pounds, in the push jerk, but I was a little greedy. You know what? I would have been more angry if I didn't try than I am that I tried and failed. I know now that I WILL do it one day. It just wasn't today.
So how does this roll over in to my life? Here I am talking about the gym on my birthday and not thinking about where I am at in life, but that is just it. I am HERE. I can do IT. I just don't know what "it" is yet. At 39 years old and trying this whole CrossFit thing, I have discovered that "it" is a whole bunch of stuff wrapped up in one and this one little gym has shown me that I am not done pushing myself to limits I never thought I could reach.
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a million places to visit on my bucket list and that is just the start. There are 1,000 experiences that I would like to have- not as many foods I would like to taste, but maybe that limit will be pushed when I am 49. I am raising 3 kids. Each of them has helped me maintain my "kid" attitude and I am very thankful for them because on this particular birthday I don't feel old at all. I feel like I am still too young to have the responsibility of shaping the minds and hearts of 3 young children. Who thought I was capable of doing THAT? There's also this guy who has stood by my side for 16 years now and has challenged me throughout life's events to be the best person I can be. He has brought out strength I never thought I had and struggled through the thick and thin of the uncertainties that one faces over time without passing judgement along the way. I am not the person that my husband married 10 years ago, but we have taken that journey together.
So, after all of this rambling, what am I saying...somewhere along the line I have found that this year is not a stepping stone in to being old. It's the start of something new. It's a celebration of being able to push yourself to places that you never thought you could go. To being able to face your fear and conquer it. I am looking forward to the journey. I am glad that throughout these years I have made the choices I have. Every one, good or bad has shaped me and led me to this place where I am right now. I have some pretty cool stories and have lived a rich life. Full of friends, family and experiences that I wouldn't change for the world. I only hope that the stories can keep coming, the friendships can keep growing, the experiences are rich and that I will never figure out what I want to be when I grow up. If I figure that out, what would I be working towards?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Humble Pie Follow Up
I got my ass handed to me on the first day back. Couldn't get the lifts the way I wanted to or at least thought I should. Maybe I am looking for too much too soon, maybe I am just not cut out to be a weight lifter, but I was hoping for a few more pounds today than what I was hitting. A week and a half off could do it to me. I could have used the encouragement of a successful outing.
Day 1: South Beach Phase I modified...breakfast and lunch have gone ok. It's when the kids get home that kills me. I stand in the kitchen, helping with homework, snacks, etc, etc and I find myself wanting to snack with them or finishing up their snacks. It will be interesting to see how this afternoon goes, but I am feeling a little motivation to stick to my guns with the diet this time. After those folks at Disney and my summer clothing debacles I have provided myself with enough incentive...now wish me luck!
Day 1: South Beach Phase I modified...breakfast and lunch have gone ok. It's when the kids get home that kills me. I stand in the kitchen, helping with homework, snacks, etc, etc and I find myself wanting to snack with them or finishing up their snacks. It will be interesting to see how this afternoon goes, but I am feeling a little motivation to stick to my guns with the diet this time. After those folks at Disney and my summer clothing debacles I have provided myself with enough incentive...now wish me luck!
Humble Pie
I was handed a piece of humble pie last week. The WOD was WICKED hard. Enough that I wanted to cry again (see previous post) but I suffered through and I completed it- all be it REALLY slowly. Air squats and running. After the first 50 air squats, running a 400 felt a little shaky- by the 5th time I could barely breathe. It was awful. I felt like a beginner again, after having gained a little confidence over the past few weeks I was put right back in my place of an out of shape almost 39 year old mom who is trying to exercise like I am 20 again.
Then I went away to Disney. Eight glorious days of no gym! Ha! For the first 3 days I was continuously reminded of what I was missing due to the fact that I could barely walk after the workout the Wednesday before. Physically, I believe I needed the break. I had been trudging through the workouts and feeling really tired for about a week and a half. Mentally, I don't think I should have had this break.
Today is my first day back. I haven't gone yet, but I will tell you that it is taking every ounce of me to muster up the strength to go. Putting on my summer clothes was an unfortunate reminder of what I look like. In the winter I was able to feel like it was hidden a little. Summer reveals a little too much, as evidenced by some of the outfits I saw at Disney that have etched themselves on my retinas and won't go away. Honestly, I know that I am my own worst enemy, but some of these people must be REALLY comfortable with themselves to be wearing what they had on. I was fighting my large thighs to the best of my ability and wearing all of my ill-fitting clothes with my head low and my fingers crossed that the image of me wasn't burning on someone else's retinas.
So, here I am, dragging myself back to the gym to sweat my butt off and work myself to the point of dizziness, nausea or some other sort of physical discomfort and for what? At least I'm off the couch. It's for the kids, my heart, my life, etc., etc. At this moment, I am not believing it is for weight loss and that is the hardest part. It will come, give it time, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it. I'm listening. I am just trying to come to terms with it.
Today starts day 1 of the diet. I have lost a lot of weight on South Beach in the past. Between each child that was the diet of choice. I actually started it after Jillian, but I am an emotional eater and things after Jillian got tough. This move to Cape Cod has been the most difficult one. So, now I am going back to it. I have decided to bastardize it a little and follow phase I but allow myself fruit. Watch out, I will be a demon for the next few weeks until my blood sugars straighten themselves out, but hopefully it will get me to that new pair of sneakers that I was planning on rewarding myself with sooner rather than later. I have 5 pounds left to lose to reach that goal.
Then I went away to Disney. Eight glorious days of no gym! Ha! For the first 3 days I was continuously reminded of what I was missing due to the fact that I could barely walk after the workout the Wednesday before. Physically, I believe I needed the break. I had been trudging through the workouts and feeling really tired for about a week and a half. Mentally, I don't think I should have had this break.
Today is my first day back. I haven't gone yet, but I will tell you that it is taking every ounce of me to muster up the strength to go. Putting on my summer clothes was an unfortunate reminder of what I look like. In the winter I was able to feel like it was hidden a little. Summer reveals a little too much, as evidenced by some of the outfits I saw at Disney that have etched themselves on my retinas and won't go away. Honestly, I know that I am my own worst enemy, but some of these people must be REALLY comfortable with themselves to be wearing what they had on. I was fighting my large thighs to the best of my ability and wearing all of my ill-fitting clothes with my head low and my fingers crossed that the image of me wasn't burning on someone else's retinas.
So, here I am, dragging myself back to the gym to sweat my butt off and work myself to the point of dizziness, nausea or some other sort of physical discomfort and for what? At least I'm off the couch. It's for the kids, my heart, my life, etc., etc. At this moment, I am not believing it is for weight loss and that is the hardest part. It will come, give it time, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it. I'm listening. I am just trying to come to terms with it.
Today starts day 1 of the diet. I have lost a lot of weight on South Beach in the past. Between each child that was the diet of choice. I actually started it after Jillian, but I am an emotional eater and things after Jillian got tough. This move to Cape Cod has been the most difficult one. So, now I am going back to it. I have decided to bastardize it a little and follow phase I but allow myself fruit. Watch out, I will be a demon for the next few weeks until my blood sugars straighten themselves out, but hopefully it will get me to that new pair of sneakers that I was planning on rewarding myself with sooner rather than later. I have 5 pounds left to lose to reach that goal.
Friday, March 9, 2012
One Day I Will NOT Suck
I cried at the gym. It's true. I don't cry on a regular basis-at least not where people can see me. I tend NOT to show much emotion, but frustration is just something I can't control. F-bombs have become a little regular lately, the truck driver mouth in me has been rearing its ugly head. I have had it under control since the day I heard Lucas utter "Damn it!" in the car at the tender age of 2. I am only slightly worried that Jillian will pick up something a little worse.
I came home the day I cried and told James what I did. I was a little embarrassed to even be telling him- and he's known me for the past 15 years! Betcha know how I felt in the gym in front of all of these people I didn't know. James's first reaction,"Really? No. You can't do that. There is no crying at the gym." Thanks for telling me something I didn't already believe, honey!
So, I dried up my tears, contemplated quitting and went about my day. It was a clean and jerk lift. I have two left feet, left hands and very slow reflexes. I tried for about 15 minutes (but it seemed like an eternity) to get the stupid thing right with a PVC pipe. Couldn't do it. It was the ultimate in frustrating and embarrassing. I mean, really. I'm not using ANY weight here. I thought about that stupid lift ALL day.
Then I got talking. Told people about my crying episode and surprisingly, I heard a lot of similar tales. People throwing down weights and storming out, people crying when double unders weren't going their way, etc., etc. Then I learned that some of the lifts I was trying were Olympic competition lifts and I didn't feel AS bad that I couldn't get it. As luck would have it, over the next two days a very accurate blog was posted on the web site for the gym. It spoke to me in a way that got me pumped up to go back. In case you want to read it, the link is here: http://crossfitlisbeth.com/
Needless to say, after a month of worrying about this particular movement and wondering each day whether it was going to show up in the work out it finally returned. The clean and jerk was back. YUCK. When we were all standing in that circle with the PVC pipes in our hands all I could think was, "Please not again. Don't let me cry again." I can't handle the humiliation...one time is enough. I took a deep breath and attempted the move. Holy cow!! I got it. It certainly wasn't pretty, but it was good enough to count and THAT was what mattered at that moment. Yes, I would like to perfect it, but that will come over time. I keep telling myself that Olympic weightlifters and professional competitors work their entire lives to perfect these things. I'm a stay-at-home mom who manages to get off the couch 3 times a week. I'll take what I can get! One month and I improved...that's what matters at this stage. I'm still the newbie, but maybe one day I will not suck. I can see it coming.
I came home the day I cried and told James what I did. I was a little embarrassed to even be telling him- and he's known me for the past 15 years! Betcha know how I felt in the gym in front of all of these people I didn't know. James's first reaction,"Really? No. You can't do that. There is no crying at the gym." Thanks for telling me something I didn't already believe, honey!
So, I dried up my tears, contemplated quitting and went about my day. It was a clean and jerk lift. I have two left feet, left hands and very slow reflexes. I tried for about 15 minutes (but it seemed like an eternity) to get the stupid thing right with a PVC pipe. Couldn't do it. It was the ultimate in frustrating and embarrassing. I mean, really. I'm not using ANY weight here. I thought about that stupid lift ALL day.
Then I got talking. Told people about my crying episode and surprisingly, I heard a lot of similar tales. People throwing down weights and storming out, people crying when double unders weren't going their way, etc., etc. Then I learned that some of the lifts I was trying were Olympic competition lifts and I didn't feel AS bad that I couldn't get it. As luck would have it, over the next two days a very accurate blog was posted on the web site for the gym. It spoke to me in a way that got me pumped up to go back. In case you want to read it, the link is here: http://crossfitlisbeth.com/
Needless to say, after a month of worrying about this particular movement and wondering each day whether it was going to show up in the work out it finally returned. The clean and jerk was back. YUCK. When we were all standing in that circle with the PVC pipes in our hands all I could think was, "Please not again. Don't let me cry again." I can't handle the humiliation...one time is enough. I took a deep breath and attempted the move. Holy cow!! I got it. It certainly wasn't pretty, but it was good enough to count and THAT was what mattered at that moment. Yes, I would like to perfect it, but that will come over time. I keep telling myself that Olympic weightlifters and professional competitors work their entire lives to perfect these things. I'm a stay-at-home mom who manages to get off the couch 3 times a week. I'll take what I can get! One month and I improved...that's what matters at this stage. I'm still the newbie, but maybe one day I will not suck. I can see it coming.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
1 Pair of Sweatpants
I've only got 1 pair of sweat pants. It's a little embarrassing to admit, because I go to the gym 3 days a week but I have to be kidding myself if I think people haven't noticed. Then again, maybe I am making myself a little more important than I truly am. I tell myself that they are black sweatpants and fairly innocuous, so people can't tell that I am wearing the same ones each time I show up. (caveat: I do a load of laundry on Tuesday and Thursday nights, so the pants are in fact CLEAN each time I show up.)
I'm not much of a fashionista. In fact, just about every trendy outfit I own is due to a shopping excursion with a much trendier friend or some poor unsuspecting sales person at The Loft, Banana Republic or some other up-to-date store. However, I do have one rule, instituted when I had baby #1. Sweatpants are NOT to be worn outside of the house. I break that rule three days a week and it's not pretty.
Owning 1 pair of sweatpants has put me in a funk lately. You might wonder why that would be such a bad thing. I just told you I don't wear sweats outside the house anyway. In my infinite wisdom as I set out on my journey, I made a few goals with rewards when they are achieved. I was really excited about this. I have been eying the Athleta catalog for almost a year now and never ordered anything. Here is my chance.
Goal one- lose nine pounds and get yourself a new pair of shoes.
CrossFit doesn't require fancy shoes or equipment. It's out there, of course, but you can participate without having to buy anything new. I think that is what scared me about the YMCA anyway. All of that high-tech workout stuff with computers and screens and stuff. How do you watch tv while on an elliptical? I just get motion sickness while I am bouncing up and down trying to focus. Reading on a treadmill? I'm lucky I can put one foot in front of the other on one of those things. Now you are going to throw in reading. No, thank you! And the outfits...all I want is a new pair of shoes that will help me "get on my heels" when I am lifting the bar and help improve my form. Shoes are one of the few things that I will buy. All the weight fluctuations in the world will not matter to a cool pair of black heels (or a nice purse, for that matter)!
Goal two- here is where the sweatpants come in- lose 20 pounds and get an outfit from Athleta.
I still just have one pair of sweatpants. I assumed the 20 pounds would take a while, but I didn't realize HOW long. I was hoping that the 9 would be off before the March 16 family vacation to Disney. I should have clued myself in when my friend told me, "You know, muscle weighs more than fat." I feel change already, and I have to be honest- it is muscle. I FEEL stronger. The scale just doesn't show me strength.
This slow progress in weight loss brings me down. I know I can't expect the pounds to melt away. It's a lot of work. There are tons of pep talks I give myself on a daily basis. All the words of encouragement from my husband and his unwillingness to allow me to skip a day at the gym show me that the support network is there. It's just not easy believing that it will happen. I know what I have to do. Diet comes next and it's looming on the horizon.
Maybe I need to change my goals or insert a reward at "Goal .5 or Goal 1.5" that involves another pair of sweatpants from somewhere a little less dreamy than Athleta. Would that be cheating?
I'm not much of a fashionista. In fact, just about every trendy outfit I own is due to a shopping excursion with a much trendier friend or some poor unsuspecting sales person at The Loft, Banana Republic or some other up-to-date store. However, I do have one rule, instituted when I had baby #1. Sweatpants are NOT to be worn outside of the house. I break that rule three days a week and it's not pretty.
Owning 1 pair of sweatpants has put me in a funk lately. You might wonder why that would be such a bad thing. I just told you I don't wear sweats outside the house anyway. In my infinite wisdom as I set out on my journey, I made a few goals with rewards when they are achieved. I was really excited about this. I have been eying the Athleta catalog for almost a year now and never ordered anything. Here is my chance.
Goal one- lose nine pounds and get yourself a new pair of shoes.
CrossFit doesn't require fancy shoes or equipment. It's out there, of course, but you can participate without having to buy anything new. I think that is what scared me about the YMCA anyway. All of that high-tech workout stuff with computers and screens and stuff. How do you watch tv while on an elliptical? I just get motion sickness while I am bouncing up and down trying to focus. Reading on a treadmill? I'm lucky I can put one foot in front of the other on one of those things. Now you are going to throw in reading. No, thank you! And the outfits...all I want is a new pair of shoes that will help me "get on my heels" when I am lifting the bar and help improve my form. Shoes are one of the few things that I will buy. All the weight fluctuations in the world will not matter to a cool pair of black heels (or a nice purse, for that matter)!
Goal two- here is where the sweatpants come in- lose 20 pounds and get an outfit from Athleta.
I still just have one pair of sweatpants. I assumed the 20 pounds would take a while, but I didn't realize HOW long. I was hoping that the 9 would be off before the March 16 family vacation to Disney. I should have clued myself in when my friend told me, "You know, muscle weighs more than fat." I feel change already, and I have to be honest- it is muscle. I FEEL stronger. The scale just doesn't show me strength.
This slow progress in weight loss brings me down. I know I can't expect the pounds to melt away. It's a lot of work. There are tons of pep talks I give myself on a daily basis. All the words of encouragement from my husband and his unwillingness to allow me to skip a day at the gym show me that the support network is there. It's just not easy believing that it will happen. I know what I have to do. Diet comes next and it's looming on the horizon.
Maybe I need to change my goals or insert a reward at "Goal .5 or Goal 1.5" that involves another pair of sweatpants from somewhere a little less dreamy than Athleta. Would that be cheating?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
My Little Valentine
Got this in the mail from Maddy today. I make a point of telling her when I go to the gym so she can learn that an active lifestyle is important. 
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
There Is An Upside
In case you haven't checked the comments, here is one from my Torture Coach, Seth. For those of you that participate in CrossFIt, I think you can see right through this to what it is. A bold attempt to put a positive marketing spin on the tongue lashing that I will be handing out on a regular basis. Take a look:
Hello everyone My name is Seth I am Kasey's torture/CrossFit coach lol. I just needed to get on here and let everyone know that even though Kasey plays it down a bit on what she has accomplished in the past two months make no mistakes she is a freaking rockstar in my book anytime someone puts fear aside and walks through the door of a CrossFit gym it is a very big deal! Its not easy and she does it again and again. I saw this blog and thought I needed to share some of Kasey's workout stats for her and all to see how far she has come in a short time. When she first started she could not do something we call the back squat and front squat with a pvc pipe with good form, today she does this with 75 pounds for twenty reps she is running faster, jumping higher, and getting stronger, she is day by day becoming and athlete this is truly amazing to me, all other CrossFitters understand this.Kasey I think you ARE what people SHOULD strive to be and that is courageous! You are brave and you are showing that you will not let fear and its evil cousin regret stand in your way to becoming fit! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
Now,I told him yesterday that I would be writing a blog and he was going to be mentioned. I figured fair warning was my duty. I also mentioned that he shouldn't take anything I have or will write personally. I have to see this person 3 times a week and he is partially responsible for the pain I inflict on myself. If you want to take a look at what I am required to do, feel free to check out the web site www.silvabackathletics.com. If you are anything like me, you will probably have to google "push press," "power clean," and "burpee." Have fun with that! Let me also inform you that each of these work outs is named after a horror flick. Fitting.
Seth posts these workouts the night before. Just to make the torture last a little longer, I look. OK- that's not entirely true. I look at them in a vague attempt to google the move I don't know. Each lift and movement is practiced with a pvc pipe before the workout under the guidance of our torture leader and his sidekick. I also check because after three kids, there are certain times you need to take a precaution or two. Those of you with children will understand that one. Let's just say jumping rope can be embarrassing. Are you having fun yet? Let me help some more.
I have not walked without soreness since I started at this gym and have at times had to go down the steps backwards. Often, I will finish my workout and race home to take a shower and wash my hair before the pain sets in to my arms and I am too sore to even brush my hair. The touch of my 2 or 4 year-old on my muscles can result in sheer pain, never mind what happens when my 9 year old touches me! Even he has learned how to properly massage my shoulders. I clearly remember Seth telling me on day 2, "You will get used to living with the soreness." I don't know what is more frightening, the fact that he told me that and I keep going back or the fact that I have actually learned to live with the constant state of soreness. My limp isn't as obvious, I compensate for the inability to raise my arms above my head by getting a taller ladder and I can maneuver out of a deep chair relatively pain free.
However, I am being completely unfair. There is an upside. I appreciate the response Seth put on the wall. The upside is just that- the community is great. The group you work out with on any given day does not leave until the last one has finished the timed portion of the workout. Sometimes, that's me. Let me tell you- if anything motivates you to work harder and push faster, it's being the last one to finish the workout. I don't like being the center of attention and everyone cheers you on. From the encouraging "You got it" to the loud and rather angry sounding "Keep it up" everyone offers support and motivation.
The fun and the reward comes from the results. I didn't think it was necessary to write down my workouts and the times or the weights in the beginning because I wasn't in it for the weight I lifted, but more for the weight I lost. When the scale wasn't moving, I realized that I should probably start tracking the weight I lifted. I needed some sort of encouragement. When I did that, I noticed something...I was getting better. My torture jumps, I mean box jumps, have grown from 2 #45 lb. weights stacked on the floor to the 18 inch box in less than 2 months. I have gone from a 55 lb. overhead press to 65 lbs. in less than a month. I can deadlift 155 lbs. and I actually bench pressed 85 lbs! And yes, I can even front squat 75 lbs for 20 reps. Did I ever think I would have that lingo down? NOPE. Am I glad I am starting to get it, just a little? Yup.I have in fact lost the intense fear I used to feel whenever a workout involving lifts came up and I have replaced it with only mild anxiety. I have a long way to go, but to me, that's progress.
Thanks, Seth for the positive words. I'll be back tomorrow, ready to submit myself to another day of pain.
Hello everyone My name is Seth I am Kasey's torture/CrossFit coach lol. I just needed to get on here and let everyone know that even though Kasey plays it down a bit on what she has accomplished in the past two months make no mistakes she is a freaking rockstar in my book anytime someone puts fear aside and walks through the door of a CrossFit gym it is a very big deal! Its not easy and she does it again and again. I saw this blog and thought I needed to share some of Kasey's workout stats for her and all to see how far she has come in a short time. When she first started she could not do something we call the back squat and front squat with a pvc pipe with good form, today she does this with 75 pounds for twenty reps she is running faster, jumping higher, and getting stronger, she is day by day becoming and athlete this is truly amazing to me, all other CrossFitters understand this.Kasey I think you ARE what people SHOULD strive to be and that is courageous! You are brave and you are showing that you will not let fear and its evil cousin regret stand in your way to becoming fit! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
Now,I told him yesterday that I would be writing a blog and he was going to be mentioned. I figured fair warning was my duty. I also mentioned that he shouldn't take anything I have or will write personally. I have to see this person 3 times a week and he is partially responsible for the pain I inflict on myself. If you want to take a look at what I am required to do, feel free to check out the web site www.silvabackathletics.com. If you are anything like me, you will probably have to google "push press," "power clean," and "burpee." Have fun with that! Let me also inform you that each of these work outs is named after a horror flick. Fitting.
Seth posts these workouts the night before. Just to make the torture last a little longer, I look. OK- that's not entirely true. I look at them in a vague attempt to google the move I don't know. Each lift and movement is practiced with a pvc pipe before the workout under the guidance of our torture leader and his sidekick. I also check because after three kids, there are certain times you need to take a precaution or two. Those of you with children will understand that one. Let's just say jumping rope can be embarrassing. Are you having fun yet? Let me help some more.
I have not walked without soreness since I started at this gym and have at times had to go down the steps backwards. Often, I will finish my workout and race home to take a shower and wash my hair before the pain sets in to my arms and I am too sore to even brush my hair. The touch of my 2 or 4 year-old on my muscles can result in sheer pain, never mind what happens when my 9 year old touches me! Even he has learned how to properly massage my shoulders. I clearly remember Seth telling me on day 2, "You will get used to living with the soreness." I don't know what is more frightening, the fact that he told me that and I keep going back or the fact that I have actually learned to live with the constant state of soreness. My limp isn't as obvious, I compensate for the inability to raise my arms above my head by getting a taller ladder and I can maneuver out of a deep chair relatively pain free.
However, I am being completely unfair. There is an upside. I appreciate the response Seth put on the wall. The upside is just that- the community is great. The group you work out with on any given day does not leave until the last one has finished the timed portion of the workout. Sometimes, that's me. Let me tell you- if anything motivates you to work harder and push faster, it's being the last one to finish the workout. I don't like being the center of attention and everyone cheers you on. From the encouraging "You got it" to the loud and rather angry sounding "Keep it up" everyone offers support and motivation.
The fun and the reward comes from the results. I didn't think it was necessary to write down my workouts and the times or the weights in the beginning because I wasn't in it for the weight I lifted, but more for the weight I lost. When the scale wasn't moving, I realized that I should probably start tracking the weight I lifted. I needed some sort of encouragement. When I did that, I noticed something...I was getting better. My torture jumps, I mean box jumps, have grown from 2 #45 lb. weights stacked on the floor to the 18 inch box in less than 2 months. I have gone from a 55 lb. overhead press to 65 lbs. in less than a month. I can deadlift 155 lbs. and I actually bench pressed 85 lbs! And yes, I can even front squat 75 lbs for 20 reps. Did I ever think I would have that lingo down? NOPE. Am I glad I am starting to get it, just a little? Yup.I have in fact lost the intense fear I used to feel whenever a workout involving lifts came up and I have replaced it with only mild anxiety. I have a long way to go, but to me, that's progress.
Thanks, Seth for the positive words. I'll be back tomorrow, ready to submit myself to another day of pain.
Friday, February 10, 2012
At least I'm off the Couch.
Blog? Huh? Why the heck would I ever want to do something like this? I am definitely NOT interesting enough to be putting my life out there for everyone to read about. I'll be lucky if 10 people follow this thing. Is that what you do? You "follow" a blog? Either way, if I can figure out how to add sound effects I will be adding the sounds of crickets chirping when I add an additional post.
Nope. I am not blogging to win a popularity contest. That much is for certain. I have decided to start this in an effort to embarrass myself in to losing weight and getting in shape all while trying to raise three children that will not become criminals. Not a lofty goal, but one that I think might be attainable. Perhaps my struggles might speak to someone out there or I might even get an encouraging "You go, girl" every now and then. What I do know is that nobody wants to hear me talking about the gym, so instead I will keep all comments here on this blog. Spare you the pain by allowing you to opt in and see what is going on when you feel your voyeuristic tendencies rear their heads.
Enough on why I am doing this. I'm going to bring it all up to speed. Two and a half years ago I had my third child. I am not my young, in shape self anymore and it has taken me this long to realize that in fact diet and exercise might be necessary to return to any sort of thinner version of me. So, my New Year's resolution was to join a gym and go, among other resolutions that I will discuss later. I made that resolution in November. I figure, why not- I'm ready.
Next step, find the place for me. I realized quickly that the YMCA was not that place. I can only do so much on an elliptical and there are too many people there. It would be really embarrassing when they have to call 9-1-1 because the out of shape lady who thought she could go hard on that day passed out/went flying off the treadmill, etc., etc.
A friend of mine has been a member of a gym for over a year now and she looks great. She also talks about it CONSTANTLY. How much she likes it, how good she feels, blah, blah, blah. I am hoping to spare my friends this conversation by doing that here on my blog. But, I thought to myself if she likes it so much and there is actually a person there telling you what the workout will be it sounds perfect. I went and checked it out and signed up.
Then I looked more in to it and realized that I just joined a CrossFit gym. Ummm, Google it. Yup! WTH was I thinking? I am the most out of shape woman there. I'm a mess. I've never picked up a weight in my life except to move my husband's free weight set across state lines 3 times! If you have ever seen me dance, I have the rhythm of a 2 year old and the coordination to match. These people are weight lifting machines, conditioned, toned and for some-specimens of work out beauty. And there I was. Huffing, puffing and practically blowing the gym down with my red faced, uncoordinated, out of shape muffin top pretending I could keep up. Some days I will program 9-1-1 in to the phone just in case. I already have the phone call to my husband scripted in my head when I am in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.
I'm two months in and still going. I'm still huffing and puffing, trying to keep up but I have become used to that. I justify it by saying that Seth (he's the one that inflicts the torture) has to earn his money somehow and I am just doing everyone a favor by giving them something to strive NOT to be. In the words of people that try to make me feel better when I get discouraged, "At least I am off the couch doing it. That's the first step." Yup. At least I'm off the couch doing it.
Nope. I am not blogging to win a popularity contest. That much is for certain. I have decided to start this in an effort to embarrass myself in to losing weight and getting in shape all while trying to raise three children that will not become criminals. Not a lofty goal, but one that I think might be attainable. Perhaps my struggles might speak to someone out there or I might even get an encouraging "You go, girl" every now and then. What I do know is that nobody wants to hear me talking about the gym, so instead I will keep all comments here on this blog. Spare you the pain by allowing you to opt in and see what is going on when you feel your voyeuristic tendencies rear their heads.
Enough on why I am doing this. I'm going to bring it all up to speed. Two and a half years ago I had my third child. I am not my young, in shape self anymore and it has taken me this long to realize that in fact diet and exercise might be necessary to return to any sort of thinner version of me. So, my New Year's resolution was to join a gym and go, among other resolutions that I will discuss later. I made that resolution in November. I figure, why not- I'm ready.
Next step, find the place for me. I realized quickly that the YMCA was not that place. I can only do so much on an elliptical and there are too many people there. It would be really embarrassing when they have to call 9-1-1 because the out of shape lady who thought she could go hard on that day passed out/went flying off the treadmill, etc., etc.
A friend of mine has been a member of a gym for over a year now and she looks great. She also talks about it CONSTANTLY. How much she likes it, how good she feels, blah, blah, blah. I am hoping to spare my friends this conversation by doing that here on my blog. But, I thought to myself if she likes it so much and there is actually a person there telling you what the workout will be it sounds perfect. I went and checked it out and signed up.
Then I looked more in to it and realized that I just joined a CrossFit gym. Ummm, Google it. Yup! WTH was I thinking? I am the most out of shape woman there. I'm a mess. I've never picked up a weight in my life except to move my husband's free weight set across state lines 3 times! If you have ever seen me dance, I have the rhythm of a 2 year old and the coordination to match. These people are weight lifting machines, conditioned, toned and for some-specimens of work out beauty. And there I was. Huffing, puffing and practically blowing the gym down with my red faced, uncoordinated, out of shape muffin top pretending I could keep up. Some days I will program 9-1-1 in to the phone just in case. I already have the phone call to my husband scripted in my head when I am in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.
I'm two months in and still going. I'm still huffing and puffing, trying to keep up but I have become used to that. I justify it by saying that Seth (he's the one that inflicts the torture) has to earn his money somehow and I am just doing everyone a favor by giving them something to strive NOT to be. In the words of people that try to make me feel better when I get discouraged, "At least I am off the couch doing it. That's the first step." Yup. At least I'm off the couch doing it.
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