One Day I Will NOT Suck

I cried at the gym. It's true. I don't cry on a regular basis-at least not where people can see me. I tend NOT to show much emotion, but frustration is just something I can't control. F-bombs have become a little regular lately, the truck driver mouth in me has been rearing its ugly head. I have had it under control since the day I heard Lucas utter "Damn it!" in the car at the tender age of 2. I am only slightly worried that Jillian will pick up something a little worse.

I came home the day I cried and told James what I did. I was a little embarrassed to even be telling him- and he's known me for the past 15 years! Betcha know how I felt in the gym in front of all of these people I didn't know. James's first reaction,"Really? No. You can't do that. There is no crying at the gym." Thanks for telling me something I didn't already believe, honey!

So, I dried up my tears, contemplated quitting and went about my day. It was a  clean and jerk lift. I have two left feet, left hands and very slow reflexes. I tried for about 15 minutes (but it seemed like an eternity) to get the stupid thing right with a PVC pipe. Couldn't do it. It was the ultimate in frustrating and embarrassing. I mean, really. I'm not using ANY weight here. I thought about that stupid lift ALL day.

Then I got talking. Told people about my crying episode and surprisingly, I heard a lot of similar tales. People throwing down weights and storming out, people crying when double unders weren't going their way, etc., etc. Then I learned that some of the lifts I was trying were Olympic competition lifts and I didn't feel AS bad that I couldn't get it. As luck would have it, over the next two days a very accurate blog was posted on the web site for the gym. It spoke to me in a way that got me pumped up to go back. In case you want to read it, the link is here: http://crossfitlisbeth.com/2012/02/07/we-all-suck/.  So, I pulled my sweatpants back on and returned to the gym with the mentality that we did in fact ALL suck at one time.

Needless to say, after a month of worrying about this particular movement and wondering each day whether it was going to show up in the work out  it finally returned. The clean and jerk was back. YUCK. When we were all standing in that circle with the PVC pipes in our hands all I could think was, "Please not again. Don't let me cry again." I can't handle the humiliation...one time is enough. I took a deep breath and attempted the move. Holy cow!! I got it. It certainly wasn't pretty, but it was good enough to count and THAT was what mattered at that moment. Yes, I would like to perfect it, but that will come over time. I keep telling myself that Olympic weightlifters and professional competitors work their entire lives to perfect these things. I'm a stay-at-home mom who manages to get off the couch 3 times a week. I'll take what I can get! One month and I improved...that's what matters at this stage. I'm still the newbie, but maybe one day I will not suck. I can see it coming.