Humble Pie

I was handed a piece of humble pie last week. The WOD was WICKED hard. Enough that I wanted to cry again (see previous post) but I suffered through and I completed it- all be it REALLY slowly. Air squats and running. After the first 50 air squats, running a 400 felt a little shaky- by the 5th time I could barely breathe. It was awful. I felt like a beginner again, after having gained a little confidence over the past few weeks I was put right back in my place of an out of shape almost 39 year old mom who is trying to exercise like I am 20 again.

Then I went away to Disney. Eight glorious days of no gym! Ha! For the first 3 days I was continuously reminded of what I was missing due to the fact that I could barely walk after the workout the Wednesday before. Physically, I believe I needed the break. I had been trudging through the workouts and feeling really tired for about a week and a half. Mentally, I don't think I should have had this break.

Today is my first day back. I haven't gone yet, but I will tell you that it is taking every ounce of me to muster up the strength to go.  Putting on my summer clothes was an unfortunate reminder of what I look like. In the winter I was able to feel like it was hidden a little. Summer reveals a little too much, as evidenced by some of the outfits I saw at Disney that have etched themselves on my retinas and won't go away. Honestly, I know that I am my own worst enemy, but some of these people must be REALLY comfortable with themselves to be wearing what they had on. I was fighting my large thighs to the best of my ability and wearing all of my ill-fitting clothes with my head low and my fingers crossed that the image of me wasn't burning on someone else's retinas.

So, here I am, dragging myself back to the gym to sweat my butt off and work myself to the point of dizziness, nausea or some other sort of physical discomfort and for what? At least I'm off the couch. It's for the kids, my heart, my life, etc., etc. At this moment, I am not believing it is for weight loss and that is the hardest part. It will come, give it time, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it. I'm listening. I am just trying to come to terms with it.

Today starts day 1 of the diet. I have lost a lot of weight on South Beach in the past. Between each child that was the diet of choice. I actually started it after Jillian, but I am an emotional eater and things after Jillian got tough. This move to Cape Cod has been the most difficult one. So, now I am going back to it. I have decided to bastardize it a little and follow phase I but allow myself fruit. Watch out, I will be a demon for the next few weeks until my blood sugars straighten themselves out, but hopefully it will get me to that new pair of sneakers that I was planning on rewarding myself with sooner rather than later. I have 5 pounds left to lose to reach that goal.