Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I am 39 years old. I have gotten some posts saying,"Happy 29th...again" I have gotten the "happy 40th-might as well get used to it" post and I have just gotten some plain old "Happy Birthdays." Every single wish is read and appreciated. Facebook and the internet have gone a long way in allowing people to stay in touch. I am EXTREMELY thankful that all of these wishes are not in the form of phone calls. When I was in my pre-internet days, I wouldn't even ANSWER the phone on my birthday. It was too much like work. Now I can catch up at my leisure, and I love it.

My birthday is always the time the I get a little introspective. Most people hit that,"What have I done with myself?" mode around New Year's. I tend to give it a little longer to stew. I usually end up spending a few days thinking long and hard about where I am, what I am doing and how I will make a difference in the world. When I was 23-27 I was perpetually bummed out...what was I doing with myself at that time in my life.

Today, I am 39 and you know what? I am psyched. I don't care how old I am. I will let everyone know. I am 39 and I can dead lift 212 pounds (PR), back squat 152 pounds (PR) and press 70 pounds (PR)  and that was just on Monday. Today I managed to push jerk 95 pounds (another PR). I'll take that for my out of shape self! I feel like I am starting a whole new chapter of my life. I feel a commitment I haven't felt in a while to something that I actually enjoy. *GULP* Did that just come out of my mouth? Each day when I finish a work out, I feel like I did something. I pushed myself to a limit I didn't think I would ever reach and I accomplished something new. Today I tried to go for 100 pounds, in the push jerk, but I was a little greedy. You know what?  I would have been more angry if I didn't try than I am that I tried and failed. I know now that I WILL do it one day. It just wasn't today.

So how does this roll over in to my life? Here I am talking about the gym on my birthday and not thinking about where I am at in life, but that is just it. I am HERE. I can do IT. I just don't know what "it" is yet. At 39 years old and trying this whole CrossFit thing, I have discovered that "it" is a whole bunch of stuff wrapped up in one and this one little gym has shown me that I am not done pushing myself to limits I never thought I could reach.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a million places to visit on my bucket list and that is just the start. There are 1,000 experiences that I would like to have- not as many foods I would like to taste, but maybe that limit will be pushed when I am 49. I am raising 3 kids. Each of them has helped me maintain my "kid" attitude and I am very thankful for them because on this particular birthday I don't feel old at all. I feel like I am still too young to have the responsibility of shaping the minds and hearts of 3 young children. Who thought I was capable of doing THAT? There's also this guy who has stood by my side for 16 years now and has challenged me throughout life's events to be the best person I can be. He has brought out strength I never thought I had and struggled through the thick and thin of the uncertainties that one faces over time without passing judgement along the way. I am not the person that my husband married 10 years ago, but we have taken that journey together.

So, after all of this rambling, what am I saying...somewhere along the line I have found that this year is not a stepping stone in to being old. It's the start of something new. It's a celebration of being able to push yourself to places that you never thought you could go. To being able to face your fear and conquer it. I am looking forward to the journey. I am glad that throughout these years I have made the choices I have. Every one, good or bad has shaped me and led me to this place where I am right now. I have some pretty cool stories and have lived a rich life. Full of friends, family and experiences that I wouldn't change for the world. I only hope that the stories can keep coming, the friendships can keep growing, the experiences are rich and that I will never figure out what I want to be when I grow up. If I figure that out, what would I be working towards?