Four people, including me, know how much I weigh. Thats the most-EVER. I avoid going to the doctor (unless I am pregnant) because I don't want to stand on a scale. I have done this my entire adult life. Until after baby number 3, I don't think I would have been considered over weight-I was simply outside of the media definition of thin. I am not in any position to embrace my current weight, but then I wonder what weight is my ideal? I personally believe that some of these numbers spouted out by health organizations are too cookie cutter. We are all individuals. We all have different body types, shapes and genetics.
So, it's just a number. That's what you would think I am saying, but then why can I not let it go? I am surrounded by healthy, fit, slim people. I look at magazines every day that tell you how to "Blast Belly Fat," "Get Fit Fast," "Lose the Baby Weight." Every ad has a woman that's stick thin or a before and after shot. I love the ones that say,"How Star ABC lost the Baby Weight." Guess what, magazine? If I had all day to work out and the money to afford my own chef, trainer and nanny I too, would have flat abs. Instead, I choose to raise my own children, cook for them, clean up after them, and attend as many school functions as physically (and mentally) possible. Sure, I sit here and rationalize all of these things and think to myself WHY they can do it and look fabulous after their babies but inside I am deeply jealous! All I want to do these days is be healthy and get myself to a place where I will be around a little while longer for these 3 little beings that we have created. I know that is my ultimate goal, but I'm still stuck on the number.
It has taken me all of my will power not to stand on the scale during this 30 day Paleo Challenge. I have failed, and stood on the scale a few times. I am on day 15. I have lost weight. Not enough to get to my number, but I have lost some. I am in month 6 of being committed to this endeavor of working out and eating right. James always tells me,"It took years to put the weight on. It's going to take more than a month to take it off." However, there are days during this challenge that I am even jealous of him. He's dropping weight a lot faster than I am. Probably going to reach his number goal before me! The worst part is, how often do you see articles on men losing the sympathy pounds after the baby? Or even telling a man to "Get Slimmer Faster." How about,"How to Lose 15 Pounds for Speedo Season"? It's a double standard out there. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are a lot of pressures for guys. Media still makes an issue out of men providing for their family financially and working hard, climbing to the top, etc., etc. I am simply picking on the weight issue. I could go on for days about the media, believe me.
What should be better than the weight loss is that I feel good. I don't hit that REALLY tired spell at 3:00 where I feel like I need a nap to get through the day. I have the energy to make it all day long now. I have been somewhat energetic and motivated- to be quite honest, I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends, but isn't that what the start of summer means-when you switch up your daily routine that you have been used to for the last 10 months?
So, I am stuck. Sitting some where between the number and the fact that the number shouldn't matter. I waiver back and forth between these. Some days I can get over the number to realize that I am working hard to make things change and make myself a healthier person and that is what matters (ie: At least I'm off the couch), but other days are a true challenge to me mentally to get over the number and the desire to be at a certain goal. Most likely that goal is completely unattainable for me, but it's the number that has been drilled in to me by somebody, somewhere. I don't think I am the only one facing this struggle and I hope that those facing this struggle with me can all see that it's about being healthy and feeling good. Ultimately, that should lead to a number that will be acceptable to both you and the media!
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