Riding the High

I'm riding the CrossFit high today. Every Wednesday during the competition we have been given pre-game workouts. Not for time, lots of different movements and very few reps. It has been good for me, as I have been using the time to try heavier kettle bells (55lbs) or thinner bands, etc. Form, form, form. And lots of practice.

Today, for the first time I hit 1 toes to bar. I followed that up with 33 double unders- in a row!! I also managed strict pull ups on the red band-something I have never done. I am insanely psyched.

For as excited as I am (I feel like telling EVERYONE) I also know that tomorrow the pendulum can swing. The high I feel can be equally as low because I get hit with a goat workout or just have an off day. However, that's what keeps me going back so I'm going to ride this one out.

I love this shit!

Just when you think things are settling down and you can start to focus on strength and form more you do something a little crazy- like stringing together double unders.  It may be a fluke. A one shot deal. BUT- the problem is- now you have done them. There is no turning back to whatever old crutch you may have used, like doing a double, then a single, then a double and so on. Nope. Those days of at least knowing you can do the double unders with your crutch are done. Thrusting you back in to the times when you dread going to the gym because of the frustration that will inevitably ensue when you have a difficult day stringing together even 2 double unders and your times fall completely apart because you are jumping around the gym floor like a fool trying to get just one. Walking out pissed off and anxious to rest and get back at it in another day or two so you can show those double unders who is boss.

Bring it. I love this shit.

First Competition

To compete or not to compete? I have been confronted with that question a few times lately at the gym and I recently chose not to join a 2 day competition that was hosted by the two boxes in town. I struggled for days, no weeks, about whether or not I should do it. I went from embarrasment about the fact that I would be in the scaled division for the competition to the fact that I didn't want to spend 2 days away from the family during what is typically the least stressful time of the week to the fear of working out in front of all of those strangers. Each reason was cringe worthy. Ultimately, the competition sold out and time ran out. I was relieved.

Enter blizzard called Nemo and the competition gets rescheduled. To a weekend that many could not attend and had to drop out for one reason or another. And so another level of guilt. Now it is because I am not supporting the gym that I belong to by paying the money and just doing the competition. James ended up signing up on Wednesday before the event and did an awesome job. We share the gym, and are reasonably fair when it comes to taking turns and making sure we get each other there.

Now we have the CrossFit Open. I finally decided that this was one that I could do. The workouts are done at the gym and you enter them online to see your ranking. Stressor number one: I am in the MASTERS division. YIKES!!! When did that happen? When I think of Masters division athletes, I think of old people. I am NOT old. However, I will be 40 by the time of the Games, so technically I am in the Masters Division. Give them one weekend of watching me parent and they will realize that I am defnitely NOT worthy of the Masters title. I mean honestly, who thought I was old enough or responsible enough to mold young minds?

I digress. Week 1 has come and gone. Heading in to the announcement of the WOD I was contemplating not even doing the whole thing. I go to the gym consistently 3 times per week. The gym is open 6 days per week. What are the chances that the days the WOD will be judged are 2 of the 3 days that I DON'T go? Well, if your last name is Boyle, those chances are super high. So, stressor number 2 of the event- I have to figure out how to get to the gym on Thursdays or Saturdays to compete. I managed during week 1 to get there-small victory that I will take. I'm not thinking I will last in to week 5 or 6 (however many there are) so each week I do go is a success.

Stressor number 3: I'm not one to enjoy the spotlight. Being judged in a competition is probably one of the scariest parts for me. I am stuck with someone watching me do what it is I am doing one-on-one. I hate every minute of it. Thankfully, I am able to go deep inside myself when I work out and I hear very little of what is going on around me.

I honestly didn't think I was buying in to the hype of a competition, but the feeling of wanting to vomit before I heard the "3-2-1 Go!" might have said otherwise. The intense lightness of my shoulders even after 60 snatches at increasing weight might say that I was a little freaked out about the whole thing. I was pleased with my results. I didn't think I would make it as far as I did. I am not a fast CrossFitter (still surprises me, I was a sprinter in my past athletic life). I was happy with the end result. I knew I could do it.

Here's the thing. I compete with myself EVERY day at the gym. I heard someone say that competitions are a great reason to make you push for that one extra rep. I don't know about anyone else, but I am ALWAYS pissed when I don't get one more. I say I was pleased, but I am saying inside, "I really wanted 5 more burpees, not 3." I am never at a point in a work out where I say," Oh, that's good enough." I might say, "I'm done" but usually it wasn't good enough. That's what keeps me going back. I know I am not a world class athlete, but I am competing every day against myself. Against the me I used to be. Against the doubter inside of me that doesn't think I can lift that much, get that many reps or run that distance. Against the people out there that can't believe that I have accomplished what I have or that say "Paleo is a fad and what is going to happen when you stop eating that way?"

Signing up for a competition is still new to me. I have never even run a 5K (or walked one for that matter). Will I do it again? I don't know. Maybe. Let's see how the rest of this one goes.

Thieves Be Gone

Morning!! Don't compare yourself to others in the box - It runs the risk of stealing your joy! If you RX, but come in 'last' (hate that word), don't diminish your RX by saying 'but I came in last'... YOU finished and you busted your ass!! It doesn't matter if you finish in 5 minutes, 15 minutes or 30 minutes... Be better than the YOU that you were yesterday! If you compare yourself to YOU, you will never steal your joy because you'll always be BETTER! Don't compare to others.. just YOU!!! :) -Shan

**This post was from Facebook and was displayed originally by Woman of Crossfit=Strong. 




On Friday morning, I made it to the 10:30 class at the gym. It has been a long week of vacation, non-Paleo eating and quite simply intense child time. I really needed the morning class to escape, if even for an hour. One hour gives me a quick dose of everything I need- my adult humor and conversation as well as a period in which I am simply being. I am up against nothing but myself and I am not thinking about the next event, pick-up, meal or anything else. I am simply in the moment, whatever that moment may be and all I am thinking about is getting through that block of time. It's kind of nice- fail or succeed. I am me, and I am there.

The post above was shared on the CrossFit Rumble page of Facebook today. It couldn't be more pertinent to my experience at the gym yesterday. I walked in thinking that the workout looked tough. The WODs will come back around every now and then and you remember the tough ones. This one was called "The Shining." I remember doing it way back when, and not being able to RX even a little bit of it. Sometimes I can do 2 of the 3 portions of the WOD and I have to scale the 3rd, sometimes I can't even do that. On this particular one, I thought that I wanted to give it a shot and try this time to RX the whole thing. I knew it was going to be tough. I was going to have a hard time with it, but I have done each movement of the WOD alone and been able to complete the reps and weights. If I didn't try, I would walk out of the gym telling myself I should have tried it and felt guilty the entire day for sandbagging the workout.

This is where the above quote hits home. When I was done with the WOD (25 kettlebells at 35 lbs; 50 double unders; 15 hang power cleans at 95 lbs: 4 rounds for time) I wrote my time up on the board with both embarrassment and pride. I was embarrassed because I had the slowest time on the board- and probably would be the slowest time for the rest of the day. It took me 30:36. I was proud because I did it. I suffered through and swore like a truck driver on each failed hang power clean because I knew that I had to do that rep again. I stopped and almost threw my rope through the wall when I got to rep 48 on the double unders and missed. Then I laughed at myself because I was considering double unders my rest. I almost dropped the kettlebell on my head not once, but twice. When I wondered why, I was pretty sure the answer was simply, "You are exhausted." BUT-I made it through.

For months, I have been comparing myself to people younger than myself, people more fit than myself, and people who quite frankly started this whole journey in a very different place than I did. I get frustrated because I can't complete an unassisted pull up or a handstand push up like the people that have only been at the gym for 4 months can. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I have finally come to the point where I am not worried about taking 10 minutes more than the last person, because you know what? I just RX'd that stupid WOD and didn't give up. I AM better than I was yesterday and I am a HELL of a lot better than I was 1 year ago. 

It has taken me a long time to get to this point. The point where I will not be afraid to attempt to RX a workout because I am going to be so far behind everyone else. I will know inside of myself that the time of 30:36 was a hard earned time filled with blood, sweat and quite possibly tears and I did it. On my own. Add that to my list of accomplishments and think with pride about how far I have come. Don't sweat the time. The Shining will come again, and when it does I will RX it again- faster.

A Number Problem

I have commitment problems. I will admit it. The longest I have lived somewhere since 1990 has been 5 years. Maybe I will put down roots here on the Cape, but I don't want to commit. I am also NOT committing to restarting this blog or anything, but maybe I will have another round of it and send an update out in to cyber oblivion.

Since I started this blog, I have lost 33 pounds. Holy cow, right? I KNOW! I am happy about it, but it's a double edged happiness. I say this because I am mortified that I EVER got to the spot where I needed to lose 33 pounds. It's pretty embarrassing. I suppose in this instance, it could be said that I am a half-empty kind of person. What I am proud of is the fact this I got off the path I was traveling on and decided to do something different. Maybe it was because I was told by my doctor at my physical three weeks before I started CrossFit that I was in the high risk pool for adult on-set diabetes, but something told me to change my flight pattern and get back on track.

And so, here I am. A little over a year later and 33 pounds lighter. I have only dropped 1 clothing size. If you entered my height and my current weight in to the BMI scale, I would still be considered obese.

Half empty? Nope. This glass is half full.

Back in June we were given a workout that included deadlifting your body weight. I can remember the embarrassment that I felt when I read that workout. No WAY could I deadlift my body weight.  Recently, a workout showed up where you had to deadlift your body weight once again.  I couldn't wait to do the workout and simply lift my body weight. Granted, I have lost weight so the weight of the lift has gone down but even better- I could deadlift my OLD body weight! I could walk up to that bar and load the thing up with my old weight and easily pick it up-as a matter of fact, I can lift more than what I used to weigh.

The only numbers I think about these days in relation to my body are the weights I use in various lifts and how they keep going up. I am happy when a number goes up now, because it is no longer a number on the scale that is moving up.

I still put myself on the scale. I still think about the size jeans I wear, the size pants I am putting on. It's out there. We are inundated with it. But if I take the time to really sit back and think about it, I would tell you that those numbers don't matter. I will never be that skinny chick. It isn't in my genes. Perhaps my size won't change much from here. What will change is my physical condition...and with it my mental health. I can make that happen.

Would I like to lose 10 more pounds? Of course I would. Why? I don't know- because I guess I am stuck on that number. I have a bit more work to do before I am completely free of the stereotypes that are out there, but I think one of the most liberating things about this journey so far has been the gradual demise of my number fixation on a scale and in exchange a new number fixation on the amount of weight I can dead lift, power snatch or clean and jerk.

My Time Will Come

Some people have it, some people don't. For some, things come naturally and for others those things takes months of hard work and dedication. I have begun to develop a new respect for the people who are naturally aware of their body and it's movements. Dancers, gymnasts, and of course, CrossFitters. I am in fact NOT one of those who can naturally control my body and it's motions.

Hindsight is 20/20. I think back now and I can't tell you how many times I have said, "I have the rhythm of a 2 year old" when it comes to dancing. I can't dance. I know that. I can do the cheesy 80s moves, but that's because they are cheesy and rather silly looking to say the least. Hold a video of me up next to a video of J-Lo (who, by the way, naturally has got IT) and you will see what I mean. In fact, hold that video up next to any high school age girl and you will see what I mean.

I think the first time I realized that I am a bit of an uncoordinated mess goes all the way back to senior year of high school. There I was, on the slopes of beautiful northern Sweden after having finished a week's worth of half-day lessons with an equally beautiful Swedish skier by the name of Kjell (shell) and I was zooming down the rather busy face of the mountain. All of a sudden, my head said go left and my body went right and I was done. Splat on the side of the mountain and not just anywhere on the side of the mountain, but directly underneath the chair lifts (because of course, that's my luck). I'm not joking when I tell you I heard the gasps from people that watched me fall. It wasn't that bad, but  what shocked them more was the rather odd looking pretzel shape that I was sitting in under the chairs. All of a sudden, from about 20 feet above I hear,"Are you all right? I'll be right there!" Much to my embarrassment, a kind Swede knew that 1) I was American and 2) I was in a bit of a tight spot. I could not figure out how to command my legs to untangle themselves. I lost all sense in the time/space relationship to be able to tell my left leg to extract itself from the pretzel. This was not because I was hurt- I skiied the rest of the afternoon. It was because I had no idea how to tell my various muscles to move. I can't control my body that way...that's why I ran and swam and also why I am a sprinter. All or nothing- no control. I worked my hardest to get myself up and skiing away before any of those folks on the chair lift made it even remotely close to my side of the mountain. Thankfully, after I took both skis off and threw the poles I was able to use my arms to move my legs out of each other's way.

I stand now, thinking about this as I am wrapping up month 1 of trying to do a kipping pull-up. I have practiced a bit each time I go in to the gym and am trying to get the motion down, but it's not there yet. I watch another woman who also tried to get the kipping pull-up. She started about 2 weeks after me and has been doing them for about a week now. Even I can figure out it only took her 1 week to put all of the moves together and get it. I'm on week 4. I have coordination issues. I am now able to string together multiple dead lifts, but that's about as far as I go. Still working on the kipping pull-up and not quite there. I just don't have "it."

That's ok with me. I don't mind. Maybe it will help me remain interested in the gym for a long time. Because I'm going to take a long time to get anything right! It definitely gives me a HUGE feeling of satisfaction when I finally do get something right. I'm like that little kid, looking for praise from the teacher. When I get it, I feel like clapping and jumping up and down. I finally got the snatch the other day. While I wasn't the fastest in the world, I was pretty proud of myself for getting 30 of them strung together in groups of 10...without losing total form!

So, maybe I don't have "it," but I'm willing to work for "it" and the rewards will be big.

The Results are In

It's over! I know EVERYONE has been anxiously awaiting the results of the Paleo Challenge and how I did. I couldn't hold myself accountable on the blog because quite frankly, I was too busy cutting, chopping, shopping and boiling eggs (which I still can't get right! I have a tough time getting them so they will peel easily). That, coupled with the fact that the season of tourists on Cape Cod has begun, and my free time has not been mine any longer.

The last two weeks of school are killer. There are about a million things the teachers want you to attend with the kids. Celebrations and presentations and half days and all of that lovely stuff. My regular sitter is not available during day time hours, so I was struggling with finding a new sitter so I could actually get to the gym on a regular basis. It was successful to a certain extent. The three days a week thing might be a little difficult- I haven't managed it once this summer to date, but we shall get some sort of routine by the time August rolls around and I have to switch the routine all over again!

During all of the craziness that is, I had to focus on this Paleo thing. I don't think I did too bad. It's not as hard as you think if you aren't going all sorts of organic (grass fed this and free range that). I tried...I bought the grass fed and the free range. I only do that when I find it though. I'm not going to make 15 stops to get something and drive 5 miles out of my way because they don't have the right thing in the store I am currently in. My family devours a hen house in about a month, so organic chicken also gets a little pricey. As time went on, I learned what stores carried what ingredients and began to have my pantry and spice cabinet stocked with things that are frequently used on the diet. I also *gasp* experimented with stuff. I didn't get too bad at it. If I screwed up, I usually just pulled out some bacon and added that. Everything tastes better with bacon. Eventually, I found myself cooking some bacon JUST so I could have the grease to cook my vegetables in to make them taste better.

On June 29 we did the baseline workout again. It was HOT out! Unfortunately, I was a little off in days and I thought we were going to do the baseline on July 2. SO- I had a BBQ the night before that did not bode well for my performance on Friday. I dropped :43 from my time-really wish I had dropped a minute, but it just wasn't in me on Friday. I'm going to hold on to this baseline workout and see how it goes in another month or two. I think I'll use this as a performance measurement. I increased my assisted pull-ups from 6 to 10 and my strict push-ups from 13 to 21. Not too shabby.

The numbers got a little fun. I was psyched.  FINALLY-I have lost some weight. Fourteen pounds (or 7.5% of my body weight)! In addition, I lost an inch in my thighs and and inch on my arms-both places a girl wants to lose the inches! My waist measurement didn't really go anywhere, but I think I might have sucked my waist in when I was first measured-someone else was doing the measurement. I think it was a little off for that reason and I did lose an inch or two in the waist. My pants are a little more loose there, that's for sure.

All in all, I was pretty pleased. My athletic performance continues to need improvement. When it comes to CrossFit- I am not fast. Gives me something to continue to strive for. I am hooked on the Paleo thing. Partially because I did so well. Partially because now I am afraid of going back to any sort of junk food because: 1) I love it too much 2) I fear the rubber band effect and the weight gain when you go back to "normal" eating. James wants a cheat meal. I haven't cheated yet. I don't know if I want to- is that weird?