First Competition

To compete or not to compete? I have been confronted with that question a few times lately at the gym and I recently chose not to join a 2 day competition that was hosted by the two boxes in town. I struggled for days, no weeks, about whether or not I should do it. I went from embarrasment about the fact that I would be in the scaled division for the competition to the fact that I didn't want to spend 2 days away from the family during what is typically the least stressful time of the week to the fear of working out in front of all of those strangers. Each reason was cringe worthy. Ultimately, the competition sold out and time ran out. I was relieved.

Enter blizzard called Nemo and the competition gets rescheduled. To a weekend that many could not attend and had to drop out for one reason or another. And so another level of guilt. Now it is because I am not supporting the gym that I belong to by paying the money and just doing the competition. James ended up signing up on Wednesday before the event and did an awesome job. We share the gym, and are reasonably fair when it comes to taking turns and making sure we get each other there.

Now we have the CrossFit Open. I finally decided that this was one that I could do. The workouts are done at the gym and you enter them online to see your ranking. Stressor number one: I am in the MASTERS division. YIKES!!! When did that happen? When I think of Masters division athletes, I think of old people. I am NOT old. However, I will be 40 by the time of the Games, so technically I am in the Masters Division. Give them one weekend of watching me parent and they will realize that I am defnitely NOT worthy of the Masters title. I mean honestly, who thought I was old enough or responsible enough to mold young minds?

I digress. Week 1 has come and gone. Heading in to the announcement of the WOD I was contemplating not even doing the whole thing. I go to the gym consistently 3 times per week. The gym is open 6 days per week. What are the chances that the days the WOD will be judged are 2 of the 3 days that I DON'T go? Well, if your last name is Boyle, those chances are super high. So, stressor number 2 of the event- I have to figure out how to get to the gym on Thursdays or Saturdays to compete. I managed during week 1 to get there-small victory that I will take. I'm not thinking I will last in to week 5 or 6 (however many there are) so each week I do go is a success.

Stressor number 3: I'm not one to enjoy the spotlight. Being judged in a competition is probably one of the scariest parts for me. I am stuck with someone watching me do what it is I am doing one-on-one. I hate every minute of it. Thankfully, I am able to go deep inside myself when I work out and I hear very little of what is going on around me.

I honestly didn't think I was buying in to the hype of a competition, but the feeling of wanting to vomit before I heard the "3-2-1 Go!" might have said otherwise. The intense lightness of my shoulders even after 60 snatches at increasing weight might say that I was a little freaked out about the whole thing. I was pleased with my results. I didn't think I would make it as far as I did. I am not a fast CrossFitter (still surprises me, I was a sprinter in my past athletic life). I was happy with the end result. I knew I could do it.

Here's the thing. I compete with myself EVERY day at the gym. I heard someone say that competitions are a great reason to make you push for that one extra rep. I don't know about anyone else, but I am ALWAYS pissed when I don't get one more. I say I was pleased, but I am saying inside, "I really wanted 5 more burpees, not 3." I am never at a point in a work out where I say," Oh, that's good enough." I might say, "I'm done" but usually it wasn't good enough. That's what keeps me going back. I know I am not a world class athlete, but I am competing every day against myself. Against the me I used to be. Against the doubter inside of me that doesn't think I can lift that much, get that many reps or run that distance. Against the people out there that can't believe that I have accomplished what I have or that say "Paleo is a fad and what is going to happen when you stop eating that way?"

Signing up for a competition is still new to me. I have never even run a 5K (or walked one for that matter). Will I do it again? I don't know. Maybe. Let's see how the rest of this one goes.