Digging Deep

On Fridays we often have a work out that is known as a "chipper," meaning you chip away at it until you finish it. Oftentimes, these chippers are what they also call Hero WODs. The CrossFit community is very encouraging, supportive and generous. I think that is why I like it so much. In addition to meeting some great people and having a common torture to bear, the people that take part are also community minded. You won't find many selfish people doing CrossFit workouts. At least not at the gym I go to. A Hero WOD is one in honor of a fallen soldier and it is a chipper. You will often get both the work out and a little bit about the hero that you are honoring by doing said workout on that particular day. I don't mind Fridays. They are a gentle (or torturous) way of keeping in mind that there are people stretching themselves to their physical limits every day so that I can keep on blogging and saying what I want to say, when I want to say it.

This past Friday was a Hero WOD (thank you, Lt. Nuttall for your sacrifice) and it was truly a chipper. It was terrifying. I struggled just coming up with a reason why I should go to the gym on Friday, but I think the fact that it was a Hero WOD made me go. If these people can be out in the deserts doing this stuff, the least I can do is give it a try at the gym where people aren't shooting at me in addition to making me exercise for my very life. So, off I went. Any time you see a workout that says there is a time cap of 40 minutes you know it's going to be a tough one.

I have done 3 work outs that have included double unders since my initial kiss of death. The work outs have included a fair number of them- 20, 50 and then Friday- 200!! WHAT?! You are kidding me, right? In a moment of humility, I realized that 200 was a few too many and the routine would take me at least 3 hours to complete if I attempted to do all of them. So, I scaled it (you are allowed) and decided in a moment of lapsed judgement that I would attempt 100 double unders. Keep in mind that I am only able to do 1 at a time. 1 double, 2 singles, 1 double, 2 singles- you get the idea.

3-2-1 go! The workout started without much problem- some deadlifts, some push ups, then came the pull-ups and I felt myself getting winded. On to wall balls-100 of those suckers. OUCH!!! People are good at different things. I like to think that I am not so bad at a wall ball, but 100 can render me unable to walk on a good day. This was just the middle of the workout. I was tired, but I think it was more because I knew what else was coming. *Insert the Psycho music here* Double Unders!!

And this is where CrossFit mentality comes in. I like to think that perhaps I got a little taste of what some of these soldiers feel also as I was working through these. I had to dig deep on this one-deeper than I have ever had to go before. There are work outs that have made me feel like stopping right in the middle, but I have never really had to talk myself out of it. By double under 32 I was ready to quit. I told myself-just make it to 50 and you can scale back to sit ups and finish with sit ups. Nobody will notice. I got to 50 and I wanted to cry- I almost did, but I couldn't breathe enough to cry. Somebody yelled, "You got this, Kasey" and I decided that I would try for 10 more. When I got to 41 left I realized that I couldn't give up. I had to keep doing it. By the time I got to 30 left I was telling myself that even if I did go over the 40 minute cap, I was going to finish this thing, damn it. So, from 32 to 70 I  gave up, I cried (internally), I got pissed and I kept going. I found a place inside of me that I didn't think I had and I made it through 100 of the damn things!

Hallelujah! Oh, wait. I still had a 400m run with a 25 lb. sandbag left. Katy helped put that sandbag on my shoulders and off I went. The first 200 didn't go well. My legs would barely carry me and I went so slow that while I thought I was running, I was actually walking. I picked it back up though as soon as I could control my breathing a bit and by the second 200 I thought I could actually go farther. I will note that once you turn around you are going down hill-it's the slightest slope, but when you can barely lift your feet a downward slope feels good.  Then Katy challenged me as she was running with me at the end. "You aren't going to let me beat you, are you?" And there it was...NO! She wasn't going to beat me and this work out wasn't going to beat me. I dug inside for the last ounce I had and found the ability to sprint the final 50m and make it in 37:40.

Lt. Nuttall and the CrossFit community-thank you. Because of you I found inside of me a place I have never been. A strength that I knew was there, but haven't called on in a long time. Physical or mental, the whole package had to work together on this one and while it almost beat me, I am proud to say that I was able to dig deep and conquer the WOD. It was a good day.

Cleaning Woes Be Gone

My house is clean and I didn't clean it. I am not so sure how I feel about this exciting new development. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a clean house. I can see clearly out the shower door, the spots on my floor where the juice has spilled or the dog has slobbered have been removed and every toilet is sparkling. All of that and my hands are no worse for the wear. Who would complain? I guess I am not complaining, I am just trying to come to terms with it.

Hiring someone to help me clean the house has been a source of many hours of conversation between James and I. He has been for it and I have been against it. My take on it has been that since I am no longer working outside the home, a major component of my job as a stay at home mom is to keep a clean house. By admitting I can't keep up, I am admitting I can't do my job. James believes that asking for help in this way is simply a way to free myself up to do other tasks and why not get rid of this part of the job? Outsource, if you will.

The scary part is, I spent 2 days removing clutter and straightening up. I made each kid clean their respective bedrooms and then the morning the cleaners were to come, I made every bed in the house and did the dishes. Even though it clearly stated that the cleaners would do that, I just couldn't allow it. How could I let them see how disgusting my house had gotten? Now, here is the kicker...the cleaners that came the first time aren't the ones I hired. This was just a "free" cleaning I got through a promotion at Jordan's furniture so the REAL cleaning person won't see how horrible the showers really looked. I will never see The Maids again because they saw my house at its all time worst. That one simple fact was the only reason I let them in. (They did do a good job, I just opted for someone a little less "factory" style)

I'm still trying to come to terms with the whole idea. I'm a little embarrassed by it. I recognize that this is a luxury that not everyone has the ability to enjoy, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I have managed to get over the feeling of failure at my job and am actually beginning to embrace the idea. The fact that after school or the gym I don't have to race home to get something cleaned feels good. I didn't realize what a weight was on my shoulders until it was lifted. Every time I sat down at night I would be thinking of the things I should be doing and telling myself I shouldn't sit down. Now I can actually enjoy a minute or two. The first time the house was cleaned I caught myself in my normal routine and when Jillian asked me to play with her stuffed animals with her for a little while I said to her, "Jillian, I will play with you a little later. Right now I have to clean." I realized then that in fact I DIDN'T have to clean anything and I promptly plopped myself on the floor and watched a pink penguin and a tie dyed bear do a ballet recital with a cast of other fabulously decorated stuffies. It was wonderful. Coming to terms with this might be easier than I thought!

The Kiss of Death

When you push yourself and you actually accomplish something it feels great. Until you realize that you may have just screwed yourself for all eternity...which is exactly what I did on Monday. 

Double unders have been a thing of fear to me since I joined the gym. Honestly, the only person that should be doing these is Rocky- and even then, I believe Sylvester Stallone may have had a stunt double who did them for him! I NEVER thought that I would be able to do a double under, let alone two in a row. Yesterday, when the work out came up in such a way that you were simply trying to get as many reps as you could in 2 minutes I figured, "Why not?" I am so used to being last at the gym that even if I only got 2 in those 2 minutes I would be glad I got something. I was pretty sure my shins wouldn't be glad, but I would.

There I stood. Warm up done, preparing the bar for my pull-ups (I'll go there another day...) and grabbing my jump rope for that portion of the workout when I decided I would try to get 1-just a warm up. BAM! To my own amazement and surprise, I did one. Now I couldn't turn back. I had to see how many I could do in the work out. Therein lies the problem. There is no turning back.

What drove me to try a double under? Let me tell you. The workouts are scaled and as you get better at some things, you get a much higher ratio. So, as my jump roping improved, thanks to many years of playground games, my ratio went from 2:1 up to 4:1. So, rather than doing 50 double unders I was doing 200 singles. In a workout where you are doing 5 rounds for time that means I am doing 1000 singles. If you have had children and tried jump roping (or sometimes, simply jumping) you can understand what 1000 singles can do to a woman. I wanted out of that scenario. Fewer jumps, higher and faster would get me there.

No turning back. 19 double unders in two minutes. I am PSYCHED and frightened at the same time. It was not at all pretty. I was an uncoordinated mess. I forgot how to do a single at one point and couldn't pull it together enough to figure out the double without stopping. Part of me was just so excited that I was getting any that I couldn't even hold myself together. The other part of me was exhausted, but had to keep going and couldn't remember how. 

The issue now is that I have done them. I can't go back to singles. Doubles will be a major challenge and it is one that I accept but from here on out I will have to understand that I will be even slower in the workouts. I know that with practice, they will come. The only way I can get better is to keep doing them and I will. Picking and choosing what you are going to do is not an option. I have shown that I am capable and now I will have to make myself proficient. It's the only way to do it. 

As I sit here and look at my times and talk about being the slowest one I realize that I am improving. Even if I am not getting faster, I am getting stronger. The last time I did a workout my box jumps were only about 12 inches-now I can do them at 20 inches. My jump roping ratio was 2:1 and as of yesterday, I am able to move to double unders. So, I may not be the fastest at any of this stuff, but I am getting better. Each day is a challenge. As I choose to accept the challenge I know that it would be a lot easier to keep doing what I am doing, but wouldn't that defeat why I am there in the first place? I am not going to sit here and be complacent with my own abilities or accept mediocrity by saying "that's good enough." 

Stronger. Better. Faster. That's the direction I am going. Watch out, Rocky!